EXPRESS IT !

This one is a year end special !

I know what I want, but I do not have it.I desire to acquire it.It is a dream yet to be realised. It is a passion.That's when I also realise that choosing a desire is important because I cannot manifest something to reality unless I know what I am genuinely craving for. I know that,once the passion has been identified all roads will certainly lead to the goal.

Ambition helps me to focus my energy towards the goal.Here, I define goal as the ultimate destination,an achievable distance that I can cover with the available resources I have access to and that necessarily includes steadfast devotion ,sincerity,dedication and perseverance

Desire without the required efforts is the lowest level of manifestation because subconsciously a negative energy comes into play bringing into the forefront images of what I crave for but do not possess.

So I imagine having what I want.

This is a difficult ,because it is immensely hard to imagine something that does not exist yet... but this is how to go about to get it. To attract something, I need to radiate the right kind of energy visualizing having what I really want.

Even when I do not have it,I need to be thankful for having what I desire.So necessarily because I need it at any cost,I will endeavour to procure it by all means.

For instance ! Let me say this loud, right now. "I am thankful for my cup of coffee.". This will help me convince my subconscious that I truly have what I desire.

It's a subtle difference, but the key here is changing the vibration of the energy I am putting out. By being thankful, I am telling the world in the most concrete way possible that I have achieved my goal even though I haven't.I have sent the signals that I am working towards it.

I tell this every night before I go to bed.I tell this every time I see the empty bottle.I say this everytime before the coffee powder runs out.I repeatedly tell this to myself when I prepare the decoction.I am constantly reminding myself of the hot brew and the aroma of the bean.As images of the bean and the powder conjure up in front of my eyes it's an irresistible urge to lay my hands on the cuppa as and when I desire.I am thankful to the Leos ,the Narsus,the Vijayrams and the Coffee Days all within a one km radius around me.

This moment, every morning ,every noon and every evening while you have the coffee vision ,be thankful that you have it and Express it out loud,loud enough for the neighbourhoods to hear "I am thankful that I have my cup of Expresso...."

I tasted it too.Its incredibly awesome 

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

Five plus and I walked into the chapel.
Mother Superior welcomed me.
She hugged me and blessed me.
"My sweet child," she said softly ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
In your infancy, you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

She lead me into the prayer hall ,
and silently Mother prayed for me.
With folded hands she beseeched the Holy Mother.
"Take her into the Carmel fold , Dear Mother ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

Eighteen plus and I walked into a new chapel.
Reverend Father welcomed me .
He placed his hand on my head and blessed me.
"My sweet child !" he said affectionately ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
"In your childhood ,you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

He lead me into the prayer hall
and silently he prayed for me.
Kneeling down before the Lord he prayed,
"Take her into the Xavier fold," Dear Lord ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be "

"Is it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my life I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way ,
I must be doing something good."

Shattered !

They who claim responsibility,
wage a war against humanity.
They , who have committed cold blooded murder,
do they not have offsprings of their own ?

The blood they shed,runs in their veins ,
progeny they wipe,are children of kith and kin,
the dastardly act that claims innocent lives,
how many more to come ? Oh ! merciful one !

My heart breaks,for the apple of the eyes....
the scenes are heart wrenching ! Oh ! Why am I alive ?
My heart bleeds for the inconsolable parents,
Oh ! Merciful one can you ever compensate ?

They grieve,fear returns to haunt ,
Survivors will lead the life of a wretched recluse,
A womb gave life in flesh and blood..
the life claimed the flesh and blood of another womb....

They bid adieu ,dressed smartly they had waved ,
never to return.smart and chic they were the brave hearts ,
The bullets ridden tender body,returned home in a casket...
an unholy death judgement man had pronounced...

Home grown terror rears its ugly head ,
what was the fault of the tender buds ?
how long will the hapless scream ?
how long do we have to endure ?

The creator is deeply anguished,
the merciful one is inconsolable too,
Destiny he says , is what we make our lives to be,
coz snakes feed on milk but only spew venom....

CHECKMATE ! YOU NEVER KNOW !

To be honest I had nothing on my mind till today morning. After the usual early morning chores, I sat down for an unwinding breakfast moment with a bowl of cornflakes in one hand and the Hindu crossword in another.

What irritates me during the morning rush hour is a phone call. I cannot do anything much about it and yet what frustrates me no end is that, when I am present in the house, it is understood and expected of me to attend to the landline .Well ! I cannot expect my aged parents in law to attend the calls but invariably the caller on the other end will ask for my mother in law....She is a social butterfly.

Most of the times, when the phone bell rings, one of them is certain to be in close proximity  to the instrument. But ! they are hard of hearing , atleast they lend a deaf ear to the ring tone of the instrument, feign total disability to hear and then elsewhere conveniently dismiss it off as a partial handicap..

It was yet another blue Monday morning and the phone was ringing incessantly. Each time I picked up the phone, I was compelled to strike a short and crisp conversation because the caller on the other end happened to be a common friend or a relative.

After the initial courtesy talk, I would hand over the receiver to my mother in- law who would continue to chat till the next call. Once she placed the receiver down and moved away the bell would ring again. I had to maintain my cool.....

So ! this my dear friends , is more or less the scenario on any typical morning when friends and relatives know that it is the ideal time to make enquiries and chat with a friendly elderly woman...

The phone bell rang. I picked up the receiver..The voice of a woman on the other end was not familiar.. Politely she said.."Can I speak to Mrs Saroja. Please tell her that I am her classmate Mrs Sushila. We were together in school at Mayavaram."

I was not surprised. My mother in law is an extrovert and makes friends easily. Much before the advent of the social media and since I know her for  many years now, like many of our elders, she has this habit of maintaining a diary with phone numbers and addresses. She keeps in touch with remotely distant relatives and friends..

I replied " Madam ! She is having her breakfast. Please give me your number. I will ask her to call you back."

She politely replied..."I will call her in another fifteen minutes. Will that be Ok ? May I know whom I am speaking to." She spoke in chaste Thamizh..

I replied...."Sure Madam ! I am her daughter in law.". Saying I kept the receiver down..

It was a Monday. I was preparing myself , mentally and physically to go to work. I could not allow any trivial distraction or conversation to come in the way of my preparation...

I walked upto my mother in law who was enjoying her bowl of oats and I told her about the phone call and the lady. By then the phone started ringing again. It was her brother now on the line. She seemed highly excited and was soon engrossed in a chat with her brother..

Even as she was chatting, I went close to her and said..."Please do not get up from here.Your friend will call now. Please ask your brother to call you later."

Saying this I went into the kitchen to pack my lunch. Consoling myself, that the crossword could be solved, anytime of the day, I wore a big smile and whispered unto myself..."Go ! Girl ! Go ! the weekend is only 5 days away."

I was still in the kitchen when the phone bell rang. It was Mrs Sushila on the line again..

Saroja : "Sushila ! Mrs Viswanathan ! she screamed with ecstasy ! You are a big shot."..She used the very same words..

Sensing her excitement,I came out of the kitchen to listen to the conversation. No harm in going a little late to work, I decided inspite of the resolution I had made just a few minutes earlier....

Inspite of being there, in the midst of all that was live and happening, I could not make any head or tail out of the conversation...

They were exchanging details about themselves..I understood.

My mother in law said "You are a proud mother and on top of this world. Please do come home.............and the conversation went on and on.They giggled and spoke about their childhood days, school at Mayavaram, how they spent evenings in each others homes...etc etc...Now this chat was getting murkier...

Family histories were exchanged. I was amused and curious too.

On my way out...I asked her...."Amma ! Who's this woman ? Who is is this Mrs Sushila Viswanathan ?"

With a big grin my mother in law replied..."She is my school mate, my classmate , a brilliant student who always stood first in Class. She is the mother of the renowned Chess player Anand Viswanathan ."

My mother in law went on to say " A Sushila studied with me in school but only recently I came to know from a common friend that this is indeed the same Sushila I know. ...and then proudly went on to say..."Uma dear ! You have connected with your friends with the help of FB. I still belong to the old school where we connect in person offline. The world is certainly small, "she added with a smile.....I had no option but to keep mum......

I was amused but I was stumped too ! The world is certainly small and all of a sudden, I started feeling rather small. That was not nice of me. Was It ? Did I cut the earlier conversation with Mrs Viswanathan rather rudely ? Yes Maybe I did..Perhaps she would not have realised that, for I was only a stranger and she was reaching out to a childhood buddy not me...or did she ?
It was perhaps a lost opportunity.That cannot be, I convinced myself...

The Queen Mother had certainly played her moves well.....

Well ! As for me ? I tell myself....I am but a pawn in the literal sense of the term still learning, with miles to go, taking one small step at a time, and realising each time, with every move I make, all it takes is simplicity and humility to reach the top.....

A FOLLY REALISED !

It was the year 1989.A visibly tense Nayaki accompanied by her father entered the C wing on the third floor of Periyar EVR building Nandanam.It was her first day at work,the day 26th June 1989.Since then she has come a long way thanks to the superiors who encouraged her and motivated her to work to the best of her ability .

But for family commitments and other priorities which were more important than her job she would have been a gazetted officer today and obliged many of you with her prized signature.Alas ! That was not to be.Anyway for those who really care now and because she cares too she intends signing autograph books right away..Haha :-)

Nevertheless ! jokes apart ,let me straight away get to what I wish to express in this post..

It was the year 2000.We had recently shifted to our own new building within the existing AG campus on Mount Road.Just a couple of years back I had begun to work on the computer.I was posted in the Administrative section and when we shifted to the new Lekha Pariksha Bhavan we had a new officer too.

Mr Chandran was a workaholic and a gentleman with a great sense of humour.But work came first and he meant serious business.Slowly we started realising that he was not as stern as he appeared to be.Yet ! when he blew his top the entire wing trembled.

I was young and very enthusiastic about my work.It could be my attitude or the lessons that my mom taught me..I always keep a cool head and I try my best to work to the satisfaction of my colleagues and superiors,The ulterior motive is always to impress and make it to the list of the officials who are felicitated for their meritorious work.

I was responsible for maintaining the Service books and drawal of pay and allowances of Group A officers.

Every year on the first of July a return is due to Headquarters office New Delhi, intimating the men in position along with several other details such as age,date of appointment,date of completion of probation,dates of increment,promotion and place of posting etc..

I was new to computers and I was slowly learning to use the short cuts.Mr Chandran was particular about using the key board rather than the mouse.He would personally oversee our work while typing and suggest short cuts..That's how I learnt to use the control keys.

It was June end and I was aware about this return.It had to reach Headquarters positively on the first of July.Mr Chandran was a stickler for rules and also stuck to deadlines.We were stiff scared of him and we never dared to stray away from the stipulated dates.

The return was ready.I took a print out ,drafted a note and a covering letter,filed the letter on the correspondence side on the right,filed the note on the left side,numbered the pages,marked the key pages on the note and the letter,affixed flags on the relevant pages and put it up to my immediate officer ,a young woman.She was blindly in love with me I guess.She did not bother to read it,put her initials and sent it to Mr Chandran for his approval.

I was very pleased with myself.I heaved a sigh of relief and took out the crossword section of the newspaper.It was playtime for me...

As I concentrated on the grids,I never realised that somebody was behind me...I was in for a shock when Mr Chandran shouted at the top of his voice and I got up startled.His eyes were blood red and fuming with anger he placed the file on my table.In a gruff voice he said,please check it and put it up again.Realising that he was speaking to a woman,he had mellowed down.Yet the anger was writ largely on his face,I could sense that.He walked away in a huff..

By then the other staff members had also got up from their seats wondering what had happened..I was misty eyed too.I opened the file and checked the contents.The note was perfect,the draft was excellent.What could have gone wrong I wondered ? Pondering over my bad stars thinking that he was in a bad mood and had vented out some other pending pressures on me,I went through the annexure that contained the details of the officers..

Whoa ! What a blunder I had committed I realised !....It was an old return dated 1998.Most of the officers mentioned therein had been transferred out of Tamilnadu. Here was a clear case of a cut, a copy and a paste without edition.I hung my head down in shame,went to his room and apologised...

Realising my folly was enough to cool matters down.It was a lesson and all for my good because I know that I can never commit such a mistake again.

The officer. smiled and said " I  have recommended your name for this year's Merit Award.Please live up to it."....The stars were in my favour.....

USHER IN CHEER ! WHY FEAR ?

This is something very close to my heart and I know that all women who are my contemporaries will relate to this.What starts of as a daily routine in the early years ,when she is setting up home and family,slowly becomes a habit.......a habit that is extremely difficult to get rid of later.
She has to run,or else she will be tired...

With the passage of time as kids become independent, that part of the daily routine devoted to them is no longer significant, since she is no longer required to perform them.Such tasks becomes redundant causing a vacuum in her activity schedule.

The benefits of working to a routine that gives one satisfaction is immense.It was a pleasure to wake up early,pull the kids out of the bed,give them a bath even as the milk boiled and the toaster went pop.It was a pleasure to fill the water bottles and pack the lunch boxes.It was challenging to please and she had no other choice but to please and to please she had to innovate and come up with new ideas every day.

Once they were a little older,they packed their bags on their own but she still ironed their dresses,covered their books,stood in the queues , paid the fees,plaited their hair and supervised their timetable.She checked the daily calendar,their daily lessons , the class work and the home work.She asked them questions,she made them read and write and when they returned home with a topper badge,that was her reward.

As the children grew she was growing up too.

Unawares though,she was undergoing a transformation too physically and mentally.As she went about the daily routine unmindful of what her body was trying to tell her,she was swaying to the tunes of her loved ones.So unconditional was her sense to serve that she placed everything else above her own health.Her body was telling her to slow down.She would not listen.

She jogged ,she walked,she climbed,she popped in the iron capsules and was on a diet of fruits,green veggies,almonds,walnuts,spinach,legumes ,beets and dates.Yet ! the silent uprising within had begun.The first signs she ignored.That's a harmless flutter,she mumbled to herself.The signs had no intention to abate and slowly they threatened to overpower her.But she would not be cowed down.

From a flutter,the heart had begun to race rapidly.No ! she was not running a marathon.She was just sitting still.The heart needed no reason to shake her vigorously now and then.The bottled up emotions and hormones were at work full time now round the clock,so much that as she slept , all that she could hear was the thumping of her heart beat.

She tried hard to get up from sleep.She had woken up from bed but physically she lay on the bed.With great effort,realising that she was still lying,she pulled herself out and sat upright panting and sweating .With hot flushes,night sweats and palpitations for company, she slept every night and woke up to a new morning every day.

The tests were normal."You either learn to cure yourself of the panic attacks or they learn to live with you,the way you want it to be," said my physician.Its been nearly twelve years now since I had my first panic attack.The world around would seem so unreal even as I worked really hard.I now know beforehand when an attack is imminent and I have learnt to overcome it .Vigorous exercise helped and the ME that you see now is The Hunterwali Fearless Nayaki reborn in 2002.Pre 2002 she was timid,afraid and docile.

I was one of the lucky ones.A positive and Never Say Die attitude helped me to tide over the crisis.A supportive family as they say is indeed a boon.Kids ,their character and their studies was never a major cause of anxiety.......So I survived.....

They went in search of the Amigos Treasure and they found it !

Sombre and subdued,

they looked back,
the sparkling eyes brimming,
with tears of joy.

The crazy gang of High School,
seated on a time machine,
moved front and forth ,
as they flew over the Western Ghats,

to be transported ,
to an era retro,
coz ! it was a promise ,
they had vowed to keep.

Lost in commitments now ,
forgotten they had not ,
the path that lead to school ,
and friends who crossed their path.

It's three and a quarter decades,
since girls sang the anthem last ,
Overwhelmed by love not lost,
the past resurfaced all over again.

Bygone days all pervading ,
in thoughts and in action ,
it was nostalgia raining ,
on the Goan shores...

Drenched in memory showers ,
pretty women woke up to sunrise ,
took a stroll on the Condolim sands,
and headed straight to school.

Chirpy maidens in white,
shirts,stoles and pleated skirts,
with oiled braids tailed,
underwent a metamorphosis....

Stunningly beautiful women ,
who caught each other's eyes ,
reached the retro destination ,
Resorts " O " as per schedule.

Girls who defied age ,
woken up not from slumber ,
had awakened to friendship ,
many many eons ago.....

Childhood pals christened ,
now as Lotus Buddies ,
hugged each other tight ,
and old ties were renewed....

The years had passed,
silently with their knowledge.
Three hundred full moons,
sighted and counting,

leaving eighteen thousand ,
dawns and dusks behind,
the girls had promised,
to reunite.........

FROM THE DIARY OF AN UNBORN GIRL CHILD !

Mama dearest ! she cried out in ecstasy,
from the kingdom of heaven as she descended ,
she spoke unto herself ,
"You are an angel ! my sweetheart .

You are deputed to earth on a mission ,
where a special task is waiting for you.
You are the creator , she said
The human species will owe its existence to you .

You will breathe life ,
You will mould lives ,
In melancholy,strife or cheer,
you will carve a niche for yourself .

You will be lauded ,
your forebearance will be tested .
Trials and tribulations will make you stronger ,
The world is now yours to be my dear."

Submerged in a cavity,
nourished to survive ,
with maternal warmth to protect ,
she was growing up fine.

Unexposed and unharmed,
blissfully ignorant of the exterior,
with a tiny heart beating,
she clung on to the cord of life.

In darkness,hearty and kicking ,
she wept silently in the womb ,
the voice that disowned her was hers ,
to her she owed her breath of life.

Her shrieks fell on deaf ears ,
unborn she wailed to no avail,
for she wished to see the light of day,
and to be cuddled in Mama's arms she prayed.

With clenched fists fold,
and eyes tightly closed ,
in darkness ,she said a silent prayer.....
Mama !
I bow to Thee .........

A DAY IN CHENNAI

Thangam and Venkatachalam are retired bank officials.Having served several stints in different parts of the country,post retirement , the couple decided to make Chennai their home.The couple's two sons are Computer engineers , well settled in the USA.

While in service , Venkatachalam had invested in a compact double bedroom flat in T.Nagar ,Chennai ,where most of his and Thangam's relatives lived.Having been provided with Bank accomodation during their serving years ,the couple moved into their own apartment only after retirement.

Coming back to the topic on Chennai and a life line that keeps the city moving , here I have to mention the contribution made by the auto drivers .Many of them are reckless drivers , some are drunk most of the time and ofcourse the entire lot,save a few never operate the meter.Inspite of all this , they are indispensable and they are well aware of it.

Every alternate street in the main residential areas of Chennai have an auto stand,which are dominated by the auto drivers residing near the two streets.

The elderly couple lived on the third floor of an apartment on Malony Road.Thangam Mami is an active woman,involved in Rotary activities.She is a good singer and is sought after as the lead singer in Bhajans.She confines her activities to a few places and attends Bhajans regularly.

About five to six auto stands operate on Chevalier sivaji Ganesan Road which extends from Venkatanarayana Road upto Thyagaraya road in T.Nagar.

The advantages of hiring an auto from an auto stand are 1) the drivers are familiar and one feels safe while travelling in them, during early morning hours or the late evening hours.2)They usually charge flat rates but also give concessions to the frequent travellers and also do not mind waiting at places.3) Once a rapport is developed,they jump into the auto and start it as soon as they see a familar face walking towards them and 4 )most importantly they behave well and drive properly.

Thangam Mami is one such frequent Auto traveller. Inspite of travelling quite often,Mami like most of the travellers in a hurry , never bothered to find out the names of all the auto drivers in the stand.

Suresh (name created) was one such driver ,who used to chaffeur her quite frequently. Suresh was a young man in his late twenties,married with a son two years old.(Mami came to know of these details only much later)

It was a Thursday. Mami used to attend the Sai bhajans at Sundaram on Greenways Road.She was a volunteer there too and she would leave home early in the afternoon and return late by around 9PM.

As she walked towards the auto stand that day,Parasuram was the lone auto driver waiting.She had called him on his number and Parasuram was waiting for her.She got into the auto and she did not have to say anything to him.Thursday travel with Parasuram was a weekly routine.

As the auto sped on South Boag road,she spotted posters stuck on the walls.The posters carried the photograph of a familiar face.Requesting Parasuram to slow down,she looked out of the auto to get a clearer view of the picture and she was shocked beyond words.It was an obituary notice.

Isn't this person , the fair skinned auto driver from your stand , she screeched !"" Shell shocked and deeply saddened she again repeated....Isn't this the young auto driver ?""

Parasuram nodded in the affirmative and went on to say that Suresh was an alcoholic and had died of liver cirrhosis just the day before,leaving behind a young wife and a small child.

Thangam was deeply disturbed.She was moved to tears and wanted to get back home.But ! she was a committed volunteer and so she decided to proceed to Sundaram....

Oh ! To be once more a little child !

An incident to which I was a witness a few days back....

Rahul (real name not known ) is a bank staffer. His little son about seven to eight years years old had accompanied him to the bank on that day .The cute  little boy with chubby dimpled cheeks was a bundle of energy.He could not sit in one place and dad Rahul was behind him all the time ,till a senior officer decided to intervene and keep the little boy engaged in conversation.

Here I reproduce an excerpt of the conversation that lasted maybe not more than 5 minutes after which the officer permitted Rahul to leave.

Officer : "What is your name ?"

Little boy :" Appa I am hungry."

Rahul : "Behave properly.Uncle is asking you a question.Please answer."

Boy : Appa ! You promised that you would buy pizza and then take me to a movie "

Officer :(Trying hard to control his laughter).."Ok ! Ok ! Appa will get you a pizza and also take you to the movie.First tell us your name."

Boy :" Appa ! If I tell my name,can we leave then ?"

Rahul : (embarassed) "Sir ! Since the school is closed today,I had to bring him here and then looking sternly at his son said..."Please look at uncle and tell him your name clearly."

Boy : (turned around and facing his back towards  us said rather indifferently)..."Aditya "..." Appa !Can we go now?"

The staff were in no mood to let him go...

Next the officer asked him..."When you grow up what would you like to be ?"

Little Boy was silent for a few seconds .

All of a sudden,he turned around and replied in good English "  you mean to ask what I would like to do when I grow up ?"

The officer was thrilled.He had got the boy to speak at last.So he said ,"Yes Aditya ! Ofcourse that's what I meant.When you grow up what would you like to do ?"

With a beaming smile, Aditya replied immediately..."I would like to fix nuts and bolts."

Officer : "So you want to become a Mechanical engineer ? Right ?"

Aditya : "No ! Absolutely not !"

Officer : (Perplexed)..."Civil Engineer ????"

Aditya : (Grinning) ..."NO !"

A visibly confused officer looked at his dad Rahul who seemed to be bubbling with pride.

The officer asked again..."Aditya ! Do you want to become an Engineer ?"

Aditya : "No !"

That was the limit.The officer was getting impatient while the others were enjoying thoroughly..

He went close to him and asked him yet again..."Dear Aditya ! What do you wish to do when you grow up ?"

Aditya :" I told you.I would like to fix bolts and nuts."

His nerves were being tested and the officer was getting restless.The imp was bubbling with enthusiasm though..Mustering up strength to combat the little boy,he continued with the conversation..

Officer :" Yes dear but where would you like to fix them ?"

Aditya : "You should have asked me clearly like this...Uncle ! I would like to fix bolts and nuts in bones.I want to become an orthopedic surgeon like my uncle."

The officer was rendered speechless and we were stumped....Clean Bowled !

FLATTERY FOR THE GOOD SOUL !

I am circumspect,
Oh ! Lord let me think wisely !
Give me the wisdom to identify the right from the wrong,
how do I distinguish the genuine from the feigned ?

Flattery that is insincere,
are words of praise from the lips,
bouquet of laurels,
not truly meant from the heart.

Flattery that is insincere ,
are stumbling blocks,
which impede progress,
even before one can start.

Flattery that is insincere,
is a give away,
an extol excessive,
but how does one detect that ?

Yet ! I also beg to differ !
Flattery done right ,
by friends one trusts,
is apt to make the day more bright !

They who are praised, if open to criticism,
they who are praised, if they are level headed,
inspite of adulation,know that they have still miles to go,
Can sweet talk get into their heads ?

Now I am convinced,
Flattery is sincere,the reason is that
the receiver is aware ,
the adulation is genuine,

and he knows he must have made a small impact.
or must be a reason for some cheer ,
in a mood sullen ,he brings a smile and enlivens ,
he makes no faces and does not crib.

Accepting in all humility.
adulation will make him truly happy,
knowing fully well that,
his effort is only a drop in the mighty ocean.

Then....
I like to think too " Where's the wrong,"

STAY CALM AND ACCUMULATE !

My Sunday two cents before I embark on the weekly cleaning/rearranging work at home......

Before I begin on any task that requires mind,hand ,eye coordination,hence complete concentration, the ability to think fast and deliver ,I like to write.You could call it the brain cleaning or the brain storming session.Since it is pouring incessantly here I would also like to pour out to my heart's content and nomenclate the day's proceedings as "The Brain Storming Session."

Each moment of our lives is special.It is best to live with the attitude that the present moment is good for one.To be in the present is to constantly try to comprehend a hidden message,trying to decipher a secret code perhaps, knowing fully well that tomorrow is a mystery and the future is full of possibilities and uncertainties.

Accepting this and to go with the magic flow is allowing oneself to be at peace with the present, so as to endow oneself with the confidence to act , empowerment to execute well and the intelligence to guide oneself in the correct direction.

Acceptance without creativity is resignation.In order to realise a dream or a vision,short term as I have planned for today or a long term goal that all of us aspire for , the activities aimed in that direction should necessarily involve creativity which is the desire to innovate and also take calculated risks .Life should be a balance between "creativity and acceptance" that can vary depending on the goal...

I have motivated myself to identify the task for today and at the end of the day I will certainly not be a loser. I am absolutely sure that my inner self will gain immense satisfaction...

Today's woman learns to be successful and also learns never to be satisfied, for ain't a satisfied mind a deterrent to her desires and ambitions ? Striking a balance between success and satisfaction is important I realise but prudently ,my inner voice opines otherwise for the present and for the day and whispers silently into my brain...

"Success is getting what you like,retaining what you like and accumulating more of what you like.Satisfaction is liking what you get to keep........

Li

THE TRANSITION BEGINS !

Today nearly three decades later as Nayaki muses on how she is going to find that perfect match for her daughters,she is worried.As a concerned mother, her priority will be to search and find the best for her girls.Over the years,she has performed her duties as a wife ,a daughter- in -law and a mother to the best of her ability.The past now seems to have been so much easier when she now looks towards the future .

With advancing age as insecurity grips her,she is shrouded by a fear of the uncertain.A mother wishes to see her girls settled in life.Or is it the maternal instinct that seems to suggest that a family makes a woman complete ? The career woman in her thinks otherwise and questions a mother's resolve to thrust family responsibilities on a young woman,who , though , has imbibed the qualities of passion to serve, also has in her , the spark to achieve, the zeal to excel and the vision to realise a dream .It is certain that a mother is going to be tested now onwards....

Will Nayaki compromise and will she be very rigid in sticking to her expectations as the mother of a girl? Will she  place pre conditions before she finalises the match ?  Will her girl choose her own life partner ? This and many more questions pop up in her wavering mind. So she makes a list of her  expectations as the mother of an eligible girl,knowing pretty well that all her expectations will not be fulfilled .Also as a mother of a professionally qualified girl ,what she will definitely expect and also pray is that her daughter is wedded into an affectionate and caring family which will treat her as their own daughter and be supportive all along..

As a young girl,when Nayaki grew up under the protection and warmth of grandparents,uncles,aunts and parents,at that time, she never realised the importance of the role played by her mother as a dutiful daughter- in -law.As far as Nayaki was concerned,Vijaya was just another member who also took care of some of Nayaki's needs.While she groomed her daughter to be an independent individual,it was also firmly thrust into the young mind that respect and obedience to elders comes above everything else.

Nayaki's admiration for her mother now,has since increased manifold because she never questioned any close family member, who was involved in little Nayaki's daily activities and in her upbringing.When one uncle chose to take her out for a ride daily , bought dresses for her, Vijaya never came in their midst .Another uncle took care of Nayaki's academics and Vijaya never interfered .Grandma Kannamani ensured that Nayaki was never on an empty stomach and Vijaya never questioned her mother-in-law.So that is how Vijaya was .....a selfless woman who trusted not just her husband but all the members of her family and treated her in-laws as her own parents...a trait that is so rare to come by  nowadays.

It was the month of April 1986. Subbu had received the transfer orders to Chennai a couple of days back.Prior to receiving the orders ,Subbu had spoken to a few friends in Chennai regarding the school admission for Ambi Thambi in Class IX.He was also assured of admission in a reputed school. Ambi was studying in Don Bosco Park Circus when Subbu received the posting orders to Chennai.Don Bosco Calcutta  followed the ICSE curriculum. Subbu was particular on admission in an ICSE school in Chennai for his son.

It was nearly a year now since Nayaki had completed her graduation and she was jobless.She helped Vijaya with the household chores and learnt basics of simple daily cooking. Having completed her graduation ,she had appeared for  some competitive exams.The results were awaited.Fresh out of college and because she did not wish to be idle she had started taking home tuitions too for Classes I to VIII.

Annapurna alias Anu,Amit alias Cheeku,Manisha alias Munni,Sonu and Babloo...I forget the good names of the last two now....were Nayaki's first students. Anu ,Cheeku and Munni were siblings. Anu the eldest was in Class VI, Cheeku the second was in Class IV,Munni was in Class I, Sonu and Bablu the cute Sindhi brothers were in UKG and LKG respectively when they first began training under Nayaki's tutelage that was to last for just one year.

Match making had taken a back seat and Subbu was busy calling in the packers and movers .The family was getting ready to leave Kolkata for good....

ECLIPSED AND OVERWHELMED !

Aaah ! It is Chandra Grahanam tonight announced a beaming Saroja as she went about her morning chores in mundane routine fashion.Aah ! Routine…let me think….that’s for Ma in law to muse upon murmured an amused Nayaki as she was drawing the daily kolam in the puja room.

Much though I would like to think and firmly believe that routine in moderation is only good,some whom I interact with on a daily basis are sticklers for rules and follow a strict routine every day without deviation, that sometimes leads me to try to believe that Strict Routine is indeed the mantra for a disciplined and a long healthy life." No way." I tell myself.The sticklers for routine are the senior citizens…my father in law Mahalingam and father Subramanian both octagenarians and my mother Vijaya and mother in law Saroja both septuagenarians…

While one couple had set home in the early 1950s in Tanjore near the Cauvery,another couple raised their children within the boundaries of an urban jungle near the banks of the Bhagirathi Hooghly.Each one to his own art of living  I guess and as a friend remarked each individual is indeed wired differently.Each individual is unique but with advancing years, the similar behaviour in almost all aspects,of the four highly revered and respected elders is truly baffling .

If I was able to dance ,sing,draw,paint,stitch, study and play in the good old days I owe all my abilities to my parents and if I am a career woman today,if I still get the space I need for my recreation ,if today I have the liberty to laze or relax as I please,and if I have the freedom to rant and blog ,I must thank the other two pillars who came into my life when I was 23 years old and completed the foundation work laid by my parents .The four of them have been instrumental in bringing out the best in me,and without the constant support and encouragement of whom I would not have been what I am today.They allow me to be as I please and they maintain routine for me..In return I try to do my bit…

 I still maintain that routine in moderation is good ,to prioritise is more important than carrying out mundane chores routinely.As I was getting ready for work today morning ,I pondered…"Over the years,why have I not adhered to a routine ?" To cite innumerable reasons,please note “reasons” and not “excuses “ is topmost on my mind now.I feel an irresistible urge to justify my actions… that’s all..

Perhaps with four pillars around me,I have never been forced to be committed, in the sense that mundane responsibilities were never thrust upon me. That in turn gave me the necessary space to do what I thoroughly enjoy and also to think out of the box once in a way.

"Have I failed in discharging my duties ? "my conscience prods me.As I look at the past excepting for my own personal academic excellence which I did aim for once upon a time and personal career upgradations which I willingly let go to take care of home and family, I have fared reasonably OK on the home and the work front.As I look at the present ,though my rise has been slow I am stable and contended.Should I take the credit ?. Maybe Not !!!!!!!

With an avalance of thoughts in my mind,the mind still refusing to accept the principle of following a  routine come what may for a disciplined life I ponder again…I have never been able to stick to a particular routine.I firmly believe that transfer of blame is a sign of weakness.As I ponder over the reasons for not being able to adhere to routine,I will not blame others but I have to thank many who have helped me to achieve the much needed stability in my life inspite of straying away from routine..

Growing up in a joint family has its advantages and I am thankful for the lessons it taught me early in my life.We learnt to adjust and share.We were taught to go to bed early and rise early.That was routine,though we were allowed to break free from routine during holidays.Grandmother was a stickler for routine and the designated duties for the rest of the family members just got easier.While she maintained time and a routine,the others chipped in to help,thus maintaining the rhythm of her routine.

She would not be happy to deviate from her rigid routine and the others were only too happy to keep her happy.She followed a strict code of conduct for herself,only expected us to do our bit and as much as we could do willingly with a smile on our face.She followed a routine ,the others simply followed her and in the process a systematic work pattern akin to an efficiently functioning assembly line fell in place.It was then impossible for any one of us to get off track.She caught us young and in the process we cultivated good practices that became habits for life.

While she ensured that her routine never went haywire, she was willingly sacrificing many of her own interests.A contended  Kannamani had laid the basis for the stable growth of the family as a whole .Clearly she had taken upon herself the responsibility of also ensuring that all her family members got to do what they wanted. She was fostering in each one of us the urge to explore the unexplored and kindling desires to create and innovate.

While she stuck to her routine,time and her targets,the rest had the flexibility to contribute their bit and continue with their interests.It was ofcourse expected that each one of us would discharge our personal duties and responsibilities without having to be reminded.

A Kannamani and a Krishnamoorthy in Kolkata as shining beacons  set an example for Subramanian and Vijaya who emulated their practices.A Saradambal and a Ramachandran in Thirividaimaruthur were doing the same and they passed on the family secret to Mahalingam and Saroja…….

Are Nayaki and her Nayak empowered too ? As guilt seems to overpower a sleepyhead Nayaki,she can be heard whispering…."Can you please pour some hot water into the coffee filter before you go to bed ?"…She was only delegating…….

A DAUGHTER IS HER MOTHER'S BEST FRIEND !

Few years ago,when the internet was not a rage,

I sipped my morning coffee as I flipped a page,

I waited eagerly for the newspaper boy ,

and to pounce upon him was not a ploy....

when he arrived a few seconds late ,

to take him to task,which I now elaborate ,

Why the heck are you not punctual ? I would say ,

Care do you ? if my routine goes awry,I pray !

In the midst of a skirmish, the day had just begun ,

the aroma of the bean was spreading under the morning sun.,

The elders were restless,waiting for the brew ,

and I was anxious,the headlines were out of my view....

Repeatedly I'd say " I know to read and I make myself clear,

those who read aloud to me ,black and white ,please can you hear ?

shall be subject to a treatment,they can ill afford to dream ,

pack I shall lunch boxes only with buttermilk rice without the cream .

My warnings would fall on deaf ears and I rose from being a rebel ,

i dreamt of being , to a compassionate and a loving angel .

They flung the papers,they played “Relay” as I watched helplessly ,

it was a lost battle that I was fighting for,everyday hopelessly ,

The newspapers were exchanged,and I looked on ,

I was aware of all the headlines for the new morn.

I was down but not out as yet ,

I was still reigning you bet....

My little girls were getting ready for school,

and I sang along with them “Have you any wool ?”

I would pull them up for an incomplete assignment,

or we would talk freely about a Science experiment.

How I wish I could hold those tiny hands,

independent now, they have a task in faraway lands

Almighty Lord! bless them! Keep them safe and secure !

A mother has forgotten the pains she once did endure.

With colourful bands,I tied their hair in piggy tails,

Ouch Ma ! it hurts,they cried,in screams and wails,

I ironed their clothes and smothered them with baby powder,

Aah ! my outpouring now seems to be getting a little louder.

I helped them with their projects and daily lessons,

chaffeured them to classes for dance and music sessions,

The day was done and happily I would put them to sleep,

“I am yet to see today's paper,”that would be a constant beep.

Today,although I have all the time on my hands,

Yet ! Forgotten I have the art of making braids in strands,

They taught me to read and write and with them I grew,

I have a lump in my throat every day morn as I savour my brew...

Today I get to read the newspaper first,my girls are busy now,

The empty nest syndrome I suffer,Oh ! How !

I wish I would rather not scan the newspapers, I sigh !

the tears drop on my key board and I cannot lie.........

अरुणां करुणा तरंगिताक्षीं धृतपाशांकुश पुष्पबाणचापाम् । अणिमादिभि रावृतां मयूखैः अहमित्येव विभावये भवानीम् !

Its already the Navrathri weekend .”Can we plan the menu for the next week and the weeks ahead my dear?”….an anxious Kannamani asked the dutiful daughter-in-law.”Oh ! Yes Ma ! as you please,”replied an ever beaming and contended Vijaya.

It was Saturday evening and Vijaya was lighting the lamp at the altar. Kannamani went about like a littered kitten from one room to another.It was also the practice to light incense and spread Dhoop fumes in all the corners……a practice that Nayaki follows till date.....An adorable Saroja has taken the place of the affectionate Kannamani today and Nayaki feels truly blessed.

“It lends an air of divine ambience to the home,and I like to do it.As you light the lamp, keep the entrance door open for a while and allow the Goddesses of Health.Wealth and Prosperity to enter”…she added. Nayaki was a small child and her grandmother’s words were very inspiring. 

With the lilting melody of Lalitha Sahasranamam playing in the background, Kannamani  was back to her usual grumbling and nagging ways.”Remember we have less than a week left  for Vijaya Dashami.” .The menu for the past one month had been meticulously chalked out in the first week of the earlier month.”No onions,no garlic,no drumsticks,no cabbage,none of the English veggies save the carrots”….Kannamani would mumble often and Nayaki would be highly amused....

Even today I laugh heartily when I think of my grandmother.Planning and executing breakfast,lunch,dinner for the day,planning and executing breakfast,lunch and dinner for the next day,planning and executing breakfast, lunch and dinner for the days after and for the special days weeks or months later,buying veggies for the day,for the following day and the days after,stock taking of groceries and provisions for the day,the following day and the days after was a routine she followed meticulously till the end of her life...

Come weekends and the toiling hands would take turns in rolling the grinding stones to churn out a steady supply of idli/dosa batter for the coming week.The daily lunch menu during the Mahalaya paksha boasted of all that was uninteresting and unpalatable…”Oh !Patti !Can we please do without the banana stems and the gourds?”…Nayaki would beg and plead.Her pleas would go unheeded though and the seemingly merciless grandma had the final say every day…….that she would cajole and console a weepy child with bars of Cadbury’s chocolates is a secret that Nayaki would rather keep to herself. 

Decades later...........It is the 21st century and the year 2014.As September comes to a close it is Durga Puja time once again.A mod mami is back to old business.She plans and executes with perfection Nayaki style.Gourds and pumpkins are served for lunch.The senior citizens are a happy lot and the texting modern gen are irksome.With an aim to balance the old and the new,and to save precious time,Nayaki orders veggies online and pizzas are home made on demand.Breakfasts are a blend of TamBrahm and Continental veg……Aval Uppuma,Rava uppuma,Pongal with tomato chutney,Khichuree with Begun Bhaja for the conservatives ........Onion and garlic free Noodles ,Pastas and Nutella spread sandwiches for the youngsters.

"Its time to put on my thinking cap and gear up for a challenging week ahead," mumbles Nayaki."Just another week left for the Navrathri celebrations to end…..The rooms have to be cleared once again, furniture has to rearranged ,the mud dolls have to be wrapped in cloth and newspaper,and sent back securely to their designated positions up above  in the lofts where they will stay in hibernation for another year .Slotted angles will have to be converted as shelves even as books small and large,many heavy,some light,hard bound and paperback,story books and novels,pillow sized medical textbooks and glossy journals,log books and record books await  a release  from the stacked wardrobes ,and from underneath the cots " she grumbles....

Oh ! Ammmma ! Appapppppa !!!!!!! three generations to please! including yours truly,Nayaki groans!!!!!…her voice  inaudible ,a little hoarse or has it begun to sound like Kannamani’s ?