A DAY IN CHENNAI

Thangam and Venkatachalam are retired bank officials.Having served several stints in different parts of the country,post retirement , the couple decided to make Chennai their home.The couple's two sons are Computer engineers , well settled in the USA.

While in service , Venkatachalam had invested in a compact double bedroom flat in T.Nagar ,Chennai ,where most of his and Thangam's relatives lived.Having been provided with Bank accomodation during their serving years ,the couple moved into their own apartment only after retirement.

Coming back to the topic on Chennai and a life line that keeps the city moving , here I have to mention the contribution made by the auto drivers .Many of them are reckless drivers , some are drunk most of the time and ofcourse the entire lot,save a few never operate the meter.Inspite of all this , they are indispensable and they are well aware of it.

Every alternate street in the main residential areas of Chennai have an auto stand,which are dominated by the auto drivers residing near the two streets.

The elderly couple lived on the third floor of an apartment on Malony Road.Thangam Mami is an active woman,involved in Rotary activities.She is a good singer and is sought after as the lead singer in Bhajans.She confines her activities to a few places and attends Bhajans regularly.

About five to six auto stands operate on Chevalier sivaji Ganesan Road which extends from Venkatanarayana Road upto Thyagaraya road in T.Nagar.

The advantages of hiring an auto from an auto stand are 1) the drivers are familiar and one feels safe while travelling in them, during early morning hours or the late evening hours.2)They usually charge flat rates but also give concessions to the frequent travellers and also do not mind waiting at places.3) Once a rapport is developed,they jump into the auto and start it as soon as they see a familar face walking towards them and 4 )most importantly they behave well and drive properly.

Thangam Mami is one such frequent Auto traveller. Inspite of travelling quite often,Mami like most of the travellers in a hurry , never bothered to find out the names of all the auto drivers in the stand.

Suresh (name created) was one such driver ,who used to chaffeur her quite frequently. Suresh was a young man in his late twenties,married with a son two years old.(Mami came to know of these details only much later)

It was a Thursday. Mami used to attend the Sai bhajans at Sundaram on Greenways Road.She was a volunteer there too and she would leave home early in the afternoon and return late by around 9PM.

As she walked towards the auto stand that day,Parasuram was the lone auto driver waiting.She had called him on his number and Parasuram was waiting for her.She got into the auto and she did not have to say anything to him.Thursday travel with Parasuram was a weekly routine.

As the auto sped on South Boag road,she spotted posters stuck on the walls.The posters carried the photograph of a familiar face.Requesting Parasuram to slow down,she looked out of the auto to get a clearer view of the picture and she was shocked beyond words.It was an obituary notice.

Isn't this person , the fair skinned auto driver from your stand , she screeched !"" Shell shocked and deeply saddened she again repeated....Isn't this the young auto driver ?""

Parasuram nodded in the affirmative and went on to say that Suresh was an alcoholic and had died of liver cirrhosis just the day before,leaving behind a young wife and a small child.

Thangam was deeply disturbed.She was moved to tears and wanted to get back home.But ! she was a committed volunteer and so she decided to proceed to Sundaram....

Oh ! To be once more a little child !

An incident to which I was a witness a few days back....

Rahul (real name not known ) is a bank staffer. His little son about seven to eight years years old had accompanied him to the bank on that day .The cute  little boy with chubby dimpled cheeks was a bundle of energy.He could not sit in one place and dad Rahul was behind him all the time ,till a senior officer decided to intervene and keep the little boy engaged in conversation.

Here I reproduce an excerpt of the conversation that lasted maybe not more than 5 minutes after which the officer permitted Rahul to leave.

Officer : "What is your name ?"

Little boy :" Appa I am hungry."

Rahul : "Behave properly.Uncle is asking you a question.Please answer."

Boy : Appa ! You promised that you would buy pizza and then take me to a movie "

Officer :(Trying hard to control his laughter).."Ok ! Ok ! Appa will get you a pizza and also take you to the movie.First tell us your name."

Boy :" Appa ! If I tell my name,can we leave then ?"

Rahul : (embarassed) "Sir ! Since the school is closed today,I had to bring him here and then looking sternly at his son said..."Please look at uncle and tell him your name clearly."

Boy : (turned around and facing his back towards  us said rather indifferently)..."Aditya "..." Appa !Can we go now?"

The staff were in no mood to let him go...

Next the officer asked him..."When you grow up what would you like to be ?"

Little Boy was silent for a few seconds .

All of a sudden,he turned around and replied in good English "  you mean to ask what I would like to do when I grow up ?"

The officer was thrilled.He had got the boy to speak at last.So he said ,"Yes Aditya ! Ofcourse that's what I meant.When you grow up what would you like to do ?"

With a beaming smile, Aditya replied immediately..."I would like to fix nuts and bolts."

Officer : "So you want to become a Mechanical engineer ? Right ?"

Aditya : "No ! Absolutely not !"

Officer : (Perplexed)..."Civil Engineer ????"

Aditya : (Grinning) ..."NO !"

A visibly confused officer looked at his dad Rahul who seemed to be bubbling with pride.

The officer asked again..."Aditya ! Do you want to become an Engineer ?"

Aditya : "No !"

That was the limit.The officer was getting impatient while the others were enjoying thoroughly..

He went close to him and asked him yet again..."Dear Aditya ! What do you wish to do when you grow up ?"

Aditya :" I told you.I would like to fix bolts and nuts."

His nerves were being tested and the officer was getting restless.The imp was bubbling with enthusiasm though..Mustering up strength to combat the little boy,he continued with the conversation..

Officer :" Yes dear but where would you like to fix them ?"

Aditya : "You should have asked me clearly like this...Uncle ! I would like to fix bolts and nuts in bones.I want to become an orthopedic surgeon like my uncle."

The officer was rendered speechless and we were stumped....Clean Bowled !

FLATTERY FOR THE GOOD SOUL !

I am circumspect,
Oh ! Lord let me think wisely !
Give me the wisdom to identify the right from the wrong,
how do I distinguish the genuine from the feigned ?

Flattery that is insincere,
are words of praise from the lips,
bouquet of laurels,
not truly meant from the heart.

Flattery that is insincere ,
are stumbling blocks,
which impede progress,
even before one can start.

Flattery that is insincere,
is a give away,
an extol excessive,
but how does one detect that ?

Yet ! I also beg to differ !
Flattery done right ,
by friends one trusts,
is apt to make the day more bright !

They who are praised, if open to criticism,
they who are praised, if they are level headed,
inspite of adulation,know that they have still miles to go,
Can sweet talk get into their heads ?

Now I am convinced,
Flattery is sincere,the reason is that
the receiver is aware ,
the adulation is genuine,

and he knows he must have made a small impact.
or must be a reason for some cheer ,
in a mood sullen ,he brings a smile and enlivens ,
he makes no faces and does not crib.

Accepting in all humility.
adulation will make him truly happy,
knowing fully well that,
his effort is only a drop in the mighty ocean.

Then....
I like to think too " Where's the wrong,"

STAY CALM AND ACCUMULATE !

My Sunday two cents before I embark on the weekly cleaning/rearranging work at home......

Before I begin on any task that requires mind,hand ,eye coordination,hence complete concentration, the ability to think fast and deliver ,I like to write.You could call it the brain cleaning or the brain storming session.Since it is pouring incessantly here I would also like to pour out to my heart's content and nomenclate the day's proceedings as "The Brain Storming Session."

Each moment of our lives is special.It is best to live with the attitude that the present moment is good for one.To be in the present is to constantly try to comprehend a hidden message,trying to decipher a secret code perhaps, knowing fully well that tomorrow is a mystery and the future is full of possibilities and uncertainties.

Accepting this and to go with the magic flow is allowing oneself to be at peace with the present, so as to endow oneself with the confidence to act , empowerment to execute well and the intelligence to guide oneself in the correct direction.

Acceptance without creativity is resignation.In order to realise a dream or a vision,short term as I have planned for today or a long term goal that all of us aspire for , the activities aimed in that direction should necessarily involve creativity which is the desire to innovate and also take calculated risks .Life should be a balance between "creativity and acceptance" that can vary depending on the goal...

I have motivated myself to identify the task for today and at the end of the day I will certainly not be a loser. I am absolutely sure that my inner self will gain immense satisfaction...

Today's woman learns to be successful and also learns never to be satisfied, for ain't a satisfied mind a deterrent to her desires and ambitions ? Striking a balance between success and satisfaction is important I realise but prudently ,my inner voice opines otherwise for the present and for the day and whispers silently into my brain...

"Success is getting what you like,retaining what you like and accumulating more of what you like.Satisfaction is liking what you get to keep........

Li

THE TRANSITION BEGINS !

Today nearly three decades later as Nayaki muses on how she is going to find that perfect match for her daughters,she is worried.As a concerned mother, her priority will be to search and find the best for her girls.Over the years,she has performed her duties as a wife ,a daughter- in -law and a mother to the best of her ability.The past now seems to have been so much easier when she now looks towards the future .

With advancing age as insecurity grips her,she is shrouded by a fear of the uncertain.A mother wishes to see her girls settled in life.Or is it the maternal instinct that seems to suggest that a family makes a woman complete ? The career woman in her thinks otherwise and questions a mother's resolve to thrust family responsibilities on a young woman,who , though , has imbibed the qualities of passion to serve, also has in her , the spark to achieve, the zeal to excel and the vision to realise a dream .It is certain that a mother is going to be tested now onwards....

Will Nayaki compromise and will she be very rigid in sticking to her expectations as the mother of a girl? Will she  place pre conditions before she finalises the match ?  Will her girl choose her own life partner ? This and many more questions pop up in her wavering mind. So she makes a list of her  expectations as the mother of an eligible girl,knowing pretty well that all her expectations will not be fulfilled .Also as a mother of a professionally qualified girl ,what she will definitely expect and also pray is that her daughter is wedded into an affectionate and caring family which will treat her as their own daughter and be supportive all along..

As a young girl,when Nayaki grew up under the protection and warmth of grandparents,uncles,aunts and parents,at that time, she never realised the importance of the role played by her mother as a dutiful daughter- in -law.As far as Nayaki was concerned,Vijaya was just another member who also took care of some of Nayaki's needs.While she groomed her daughter to be an independent individual,it was also firmly thrust into the young mind that respect and obedience to elders comes above everything else.

Nayaki's admiration for her mother now,has since increased manifold because she never questioned any close family member, who was involved in little Nayaki's daily activities and in her upbringing.When one uncle chose to take her out for a ride daily , bought dresses for her, Vijaya never came in their midst .Another uncle took care of Nayaki's academics and Vijaya never interfered .Grandma Kannamani ensured that Nayaki was never on an empty stomach and Vijaya never questioned her mother-in-law.So that is how Vijaya was .....a selfless woman who trusted not just her husband but all the members of her family and treated her in-laws as her own parents...a trait that is so rare to come by  nowadays.

It was the month of April 1986. Subbu had received the transfer orders to Chennai a couple of days back.Prior to receiving the orders ,Subbu had spoken to a few friends in Chennai regarding the school admission for Ambi Thambi in Class IX.He was also assured of admission in a reputed school. Ambi was studying in Don Bosco Park Circus when Subbu received the posting orders to Chennai.Don Bosco Calcutta  followed the ICSE curriculum. Subbu was particular on admission in an ICSE school in Chennai for his son.

It was nearly a year now since Nayaki had completed her graduation and she was jobless.She helped Vijaya with the household chores and learnt basics of simple daily cooking. Having completed her graduation ,she had appeared for  some competitive exams.The results were awaited.Fresh out of college and because she did not wish to be idle she had started taking home tuitions too for Classes I to VIII.

Annapurna alias Anu,Amit alias Cheeku,Manisha alias Munni,Sonu and Babloo...I forget the good names of the last two now....were Nayaki's first students. Anu ,Cheeku and Munni were siblings. Anu the eldest was in Class VI, Cheeku the second was in Class IV,Munni was in Class I, Sonu and Bablu the cute Sindhi brothers were in UKG and LKG respectively when they first began training under Nayaki's tutelage that was to last for just one year.

Match making had taken a back seat and Subbu was busy calling in the packers and movers .The family was getting ready to leave Kolkata for good....

ECLIPSED AND OVERWHELMED !

Aaah ! It is Chandra Grahanam tonight announced a beaming Saroja as she went about her morning chores in mundane routine fashion.Aah ! Routine…let me think….that’s for Ma in law to muse upon murmured an amused Nayaki as she was drawing the daily kolam in the puja room.

Much though I would like to think and firmly believe that routine in moderation is only good,some whom I interact with on a daily basis are sticklers for rules and follow a strict routine every day without deviation, that sometimes leads me to try to believe that Strict Routine is indeed the mantra for a disciplined and a long healthy life." No way." I tell myself.The sticklers for routine are the senior citizens…my father in law Mahalingam and father Subramanian both octagenarians and my mother Vijaya and mother in law Saroja both septuagenarians…

While one couple had set home in the early 1950s in Tanjore near the Cauvery,another couple raised their children within the boundaries of an urban jungle near the banks of the Bhagirathi Hooghly.Each one to his own art of living  I guess and as a friend remarked each individual is indeed wired differently.Each individual is unique but with advancing years, the similar behaviour in almost all aspects,of the four highly revered and respected elders is truly baffling .

If I was able to dance ,sing,draw,paint,stitch, study and play in the good old days I owe all my abilities to my parents and if I am a career woman today,if I still get the space I need for my recreation ,if today I have the liberty to laze or relax as I please,and if I have the freedom to rant and blog ,I must thank the other two pillars who came into my life when I was 23 years old and completed the foundation work laid by my parents .The four of them have been instrumental in bringing out the best in me,and without the constant support and encouragement of whom I would not have been what I am today.They allow me to be as I please and they maintain routine for me..In return I try to do my bit…

 I still maintain that routine in moderation is good ,to prioritise is more important than carrying out mundane chores routinely.As I was getting ready for work today morning ,I pondered…"Over the years,why have I not adhered to a routine ?" To cite innumerable reasons,please note “reasons” and not “excuses “ is topmost on my mind now.I feel an irresistible urge to justify my actions… that’s all..

Perhaps with four pillars around me,I have never been forced to be committed, in the sense that mundane responsibilities were never thrust upon me. That in turn gave me the necessary space to do what I thoroughly enjoy and also to think out of the box once in a way.

"Have I failed in discharging my duties ? "my conscience prods me.As I look at the past excepting for my own personal academic excellence which I did aim for once upon a time and personal career upgradations which I willingly let go to take care of home and family, I have fared reasonably OK on the home and the work front.As I look at the present ,though my rise has been slow I am stable and contended.Should I take the credit ?. Maybe Not !!!!!!!

With an avalance of thoughts in my mind,the mind still refusing to accept the principle of following a  routine come what may for a disciplined life I ponder again…I have never been able to stick to a particular routine.I firmly believe that transfer of blame is a sign of weakness.As I ponder over the reasons for not being able to adhere to routine,I will not blame others but I have to thank many who have helped me to achieve the much needed stability in my life inspite of straying away from routine..

Growing up in a joint family has its advantages and I am thankful for the lessons it taught me early in my life.We learnt to adjust and share.We were taught to go to bed early and rise early.That was routine,though we were allowed to break free from routine during holidays.Grandmother was a stickler for routine and the designated duties for the rest of the family members just got easier.While she maintained time and a routine,the others chipped in to help,thus maintaining the rhythm of her routine.

She would not be happy to deviate from her rigid routine and the others were only too happy to keep her happy.She followed a strict code of conduct for herself,only expected us to do our bit and as much as we could do willingly with a smile on our face.She followed a routine ,the others simply followed her and in the process a systematic work pattern akin to an efficiently functioning assembly line fell in place.It was then impossible for any one of us to get off track.She caught us young and in the process we cultivated good practices that became habits for life.

While she ensured that her routine never went haywire, she was willingly sacrificing many of her own interests.A contended  Kannamani had laid the basis for the stable growth of the family as a whole .Clearly she had taken upon herself the responsibility of also ensuring that all her family members got to do what they wanted. She was fostering in each one of us the urge to explore the unexplored and kindling desires to create and innovate.

While she stuck to her routine,time and her targets,the rest had the flexibility to contribute their bit and continue with their interests.It was ofcourse expected that each one of us would discharge our personal duties and responsibilities without having to be reminded.

A Kannamani and a Krishnamoorthy in Kolkata as shining beacons  set an example for Subramanian and Vijaya who emulated their practices.A Saradambal and a Ramachandran in Thirividaimaruthur were doing the same and they passed on the family secret to Mahalingam and Saroja…….

Are Nayaki and her Nayak empowered too ? As guilt seems to overpower a sleepyhead Nayaki,she can be heard whispering…."Can you please pour some hot water into the coffee filter before you go to bed ?"…She was only delegating…….

A DAUGHTER IS HER MOTHER'S BEST FRIEND !

Few years ago,when the internet was not a rage,

I sipped my morning coffee as I flipped a page,

I waited eagerly for the newspaper boy ,

and to pounce upon him was not a ploy....

when he arrived a few seconds late ,

to take him to task,which I now elaborate ,

Why the heck are you not punctual ? I would say ,

Care do you ? if my routine goes awry,I pray !

In the midst of a skirmish, the day had just begun ,

the aroma of the bean was spreading under the morning sun.,

The elders were restless,waiting for the brew ,

and I was anxious,the headlines were out of my view....

Repeatedly I'd say " I know to read and I make myself clear,

those who read aloud to me ,black and white ,please can you hear ?

shall be subject to a treatment,they can ill afford to dream ,

pack I shall lunch boxes only with buttermilk rice without the cream .

My warnings would fall on deaf ears and I rose from being a rebel ,

i dreamt of being , to a compassionate and a loving angel .

They flung the papers,they played “Relay” as I watched helplessly ,

it was a lost battle that I was fighting for,everyday hopelessly ,

The newspapers were exchanged,and I looked on ,

I was aware of all the headlines for the new morn.

I was down but not out as yet ,

I was still reigning you bet....

My little girls were getting ready for school,

and I sang along with them “Have you any wool ?”

I would pull them up for an incomplete assignment,

or we would talk freely about a Science experiment.

How I wish I could hold those tiny hands,

independent now, they have a task in faraway lands

Almighty Lord! bless them! Keep them safe and secure !

A mother has forgotten the pains she once did endure.

With colourful bands,I tied their hair in piggy tails,

Ouch Ma ! it hurts,they cried,in screams and wails,

I ironed their clothes and smothered them with baby powder,

Aah ! my outpouring now seems to be getting a little louder.

I helped them with their projects and daily lessons,

chaffeured them to classes for dance and music sessions,

The day was done and happily I would put them to sleep,

“I am yet to see today's paper,”that would be a constant beep.

Today,although I have all the time on my hands,

Yet ! Forgotten I have the art of making braids in strands,

They taught me to read and write and with them I grew,

I have a lump in my throat every day morn as I savour my brew...

Today I get to read the newspaper first,my girls are busy now,

The empty nest syndrome I suffer,Oh ! How !

I wish I would rather not scan the newspapers, I sigh !

the tears drop on my key board and I cannot lie.........