EXPRESS IT !

This one is a year end special !

I know what I want, but I do not have it.I desire to acquire it.It is a dream yet to be realised. It is a passion.That's when I also realise that choosing a desire is important because I cannot manifest something to reality unless I know what I am genuinely craving for. I know that,once the passion has been identified all roads will certainly lead to the goal.

Ambition helps me to focus my energy towards the goal.Here, I define goal as the ultimate destination,an achievable distance that I can cover with the available resources I have access to and that necessarily includes steadfast devotion ,sincerity,dedication and perseverance

Desire without the required efforts is the lowest level of manifestation because subconsciously a negative energy comes into play bringing into the forefront images of what I crave for but do not possess.

So I imagine having what I want.

This is a difficult ,because it is immensely hard to imagine something that does not exist yet... but this is how to go about to get it. To attract something, I need to radiate the right kind of energy visualizing having what I really want.

Even when I do not have it,I need to be thankful for having what I desire.So necessarily because I need it at any cost,I will endeavour to procure it by all means.

For instance ! Let me say this loud, right now. "I am thankful for my cup of coffee.". This will help me convince my subconscious that I truly have what I desire.

It's a subtle difference, but the key here is changing the vibration of the energy I am putting out. By being thankful, I am telling the world in the most concrete way possible that I have achieved my goal even though I haven't.I have sent the signals that I am working towards it.

I tell this every night before I go to bed.I tell this every time I see the empty bottle.I say this everytime before the coffee powder runs out.I repeatedly tell this to myself when I prepare the decoction.I am constantly reminding myself of the hot brew and the aroma of the bean.As images of the bean and the powder conjure up in front of my eyes it's an irresistible urge to lay my hands on the cuppa as and when I desire.I am thankful to the Leos ,the Narsus,the Vijayrams and the Coffee Days all within a one km radius around me.

This moment, every morning ,every noon and every evening while you have the coffee vision ,be thankful that you have it and Express it out loud,loud enough for the neighbourhoods to hear "I am thankful that I have my cup of Expresso...."

I tasted it too.Its incredibly awesome 

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

Five plus and I walked into the chapel.
Mother Superior welcomed me.
She hugged me and blessed me.
"My sweet child," she said softly ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
In your infancy, you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

She lead me into the prayer hall ,
and silently Mother prayed for me.
With folded hands she beseeched the Holy Mother.
"Take her into the Carmel fold , Dear Mother ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

Eighteen plus and I walked into a new chapel.
Reverend Father welcomed me .
He placed his hand on my head and blessed me.
"My sweet child !" he said affectionately ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
"In your childhood ,you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

He lead me into the prayer hall
and silently he prayed for me.
Kneeling down before the Lord he prayed,
"Take her into the Xavier fold," Dear Lord ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be "

"Is it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my life I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way ,
I must be doing something good."

Shattered !

They who claim responsibility,
wage a war against humanity.
They , who have committed cold blooded murder,
do they not have offsprings of their own ?

The blood they shed,runs in their veins ,
progeny they wipe,are children of kith and kin,
the dastardly act that claims innocent lives,
how many more to come ? Oh ! merciful one !

My heart breaks,for the apple of the eyes....
the scenes are heart wrenching ! Oh ! Why am I alive ?
My heart bleeds for the inconsolable parents,
Oh ! Merciful one can you ever compensate ?

They grieve,fear returns to haunt ,
Survivors will lead the life of a wretched recluse,
A womb gave life in flesh and blood..
the life claimed the flesh and blood of another womb....

They bid adieu ,dressed smartly they had waved ,
never to return.smart and chic they were the brave hearts ,
The bullets ridden tender body,returned home in a casket...
an unholy death judgement man had pronounced...

Home grown terror rears its ugly head ,
what was the fault of the tender buds ?
how long will the hapless scream ?
how long do we have to endure ?

The creator is deeply anguished,
the merciful one is inconsolable too,
Destiny he says , is what we make our lives to be,
coz snakes feed on milk but only spew venom....

CHECKMATE ! YOU NEVER KNOW !

To be honest I had nothing on my mind till today morning. After the usual early morning chores, I sat down for an unwinding breakfast moment with a bowl of cornflakes in one hand and the Hindu crossword in another.

What irritates me during the morning rush hour is a phone call. I cannot do anything much about it and yet what frustrates me no end is that, when I am present in the house, it is understood and expected of me to attend to the landline .Well ! I cannot expect my aged parents in law to attend the calls but invariably the caller on the other end will ask for my mother in law....She is a social butterfly.

Most of the times, when the phone bell rings, one of them is certain to be in close proximity  to the instrument. But ! they are hard of hearing , atleast they lend a deaf ear to the ring tone of the instrument, feign total disability to hear and then elsewhere conveniently dismiss it off as a partial handicap..

It was yet another blue Monday morning and the phone was ringing incessantly. Each time I picked up the phone, I was compelled to strike a short and crisp conversation because the caller on the other end happened to be a common friend or a relative.

After the initial courtesy talk, I would hand over the receiver to my mother in- law who would continue to chat till the next call. Once she placed the receiver down and moved away the bell would ring again. I had to maintain my cool.....

So ! this my dear friends , is more or less the scenario on any typical morning when friends and relatives know that it is the ideal time to make enquiries and chat with a friendly elderly woman...

The phone bell rang. I picked up the receiver..The voice of a woman on the other end was not familiar.. Politely she said.."Can I speak to Mrs Saroja. Please tell her that I am her classmate Mrs Sushila. We were together in school at Mayavaram."

I was not surprised. My mother in law is an extrovert and makes friends easily. Much before the advent of the social media and since I know her for  many years now, like many of our elders, she has this habit of maintaining a diary with phone numbers and addresses. She keeps in touch with remotely distant relatives and friends..

I replied " Madam ! She is having her breakfast. Please give me your number. I will ask her to call you back."

She politely replied..."I will call her in another fifteen minutes. Will that be Ok ? May I know whom I am speaking to." She spoke in chaste Thamizh..

I replied...."Sure Madam ! I am her daughter in law.". Saying I kept the receiver down..

It was a Monday. I was preparing myself , mentally and physically to go to work. I could not allow any trivial distraction or conversation to come in the way of my preparation...

I walked upto my mother in law who was enjoying her bowl of oats and I told her about the phone call and the lady. By then the phone started ringing again. It was her brother now on the line. She seemed highly excited and was soon engrossed in a chat with her brother..

Even as she was chatting, I went close to her and said..."Please do not get up from here.Your friend will call now. Please ask your brother to call you later."

Saying this I went into the kitchen to pack my lunch. Consoling myself, that the crossword could be solved, anytime of the day, I wore a big smile and whispered unto myself..."Go ! Girl ! Go ! the weekend is only 5 days away."

I was still in the kitchen when the phone bell rang. It was Mrs Sushila on the line again..

Saroja : "Sushila ! Mrs Viswanathan ! she screamed with ecstasy ! You are a big shot."..She used the very same words..

Sensing her excitement,I came out of the kitchen to listen to the conversation. No harm in going a little late to work, I decided inspite of the resolution I had made just a few minutes earlier....

Inspite of being there, in the midst of all that was live and happening, I could not make any head or tail out of the conversation...

They were exchanging details about themselves..I understood.

My mother in law said "You are a proud mother and on top of this world. Please do come home.............and the conversation went on and on.They giggled and spoke about their childhood days, school at Mayavaram, how they spent evenings in each others homes...etc etc...Now this chat was getting murkier...

Family histories were exchanged. I was amused and curious too.

On my way out...I asked her...."Amma ! Who's this woman ? Who is is this Mrs Sushila Viswanathan ?"

With a big grin my mother in law replied..."She is my school mate, my classmate , a brilliant student who always stood first in Class. She is the mother of the renowned Chess player Anand Viswanathan ."

My mother in law went on to say " A Sushila studied with me in school but only recently I came to know from a common friend that this is indeed the same Sushila I know. ...and then proudly went on to say..."Uma dear ! You have connected with your friends with the help of FB. I still belong to the old school where we connect in person offline. The world is certainly small, "she added with a smile.....I had no option but to keep mum......

I was amused but I was stumped too ! The world is certainly small and all of a sudden, I started feeling rather small. That was not nice of me. Was It ? Did I cut the earlier conversation with Mrs Viswanathan rather rudely ? Yes Maybe I did..Perhaps she would not have realised that, for I was only a stranger and she was reaching out to a childhood buddy not me...or did she ?
It was perhaps a lost opportunity.That cannot be, I convinced myself...

The Queen Mother had certainly played her moves well.....

Well ! As for me ? I tell myself....I am but a pawn in the literal sense of the term still learning, with miles to go, taking one small step at a time, and realising each time, with every move I make, all it takes is simplicity and humility to reach the top.....

A FOLLY REALISED !

It was the year 1989.A visibly tense Nayaki accompanied by her father entered the C wing on the third floor of Periyar EVR building Nandanam.It was her first day at work,the day 26th June 1989.Since then she has come a long way thanks to the superiors who encouraged her and motivated her to work to the best of her ability .

But for family commitments and other priorities which were more important than her job she would have been a gazetted officer today and obliged many of you with her prized signature.Alas ! That was not to be.Anyway for those who really care now and because she cares too she intends signing autograph books right away..Haha :-)

Nevertheless ! jokes apart ,let me straight away get to what I wish to express in this post..

It was the year 2000.We had recently shifted to our own new building within the existing AG campus on Mount Road.Just a couple of years back I had begun to work on the computer.I was posted in the Administrative section and when we shifted to the new Lekha Pariksha Bhavan we had a new officer too.

Mr Chandran was a workaholic and a gentleman with a great sense of humour.But work came first and he meant serious business.Slowly we started realising that he was not as stern as he appeared to be.Yet ! when he blew his top the entire wing trembled.

I was young and very enthusiastic about my work.It could be my attitude or the lessons that my mom taught me..I always keep a cool head and I try my best to work to the satisfaction of my colleagues and superiors,The ulterior motive is always to impress and make it to the list of the officials who are felicitated for their meritorious work.

I was responsible for maintaining the Service books and drawal of pay and allowances of Group A officers.

Every year on the first of July a return is due to Headquarters office New Delhi, intimating the men in position along with several other details such as age,date of appointment,date of completion of probation,dates of increment,promotion and place of posting etc..

I was new to computers and I was slowly learning to use the short cuts.Mr Chandran was particular about using the key board rather than the mouse.He would personally oversee our work while typing and suggest short cuts..That's how I learnt to use the control keys.

It was June end and I was aware about this return.It had to reach Headquarters positively on the first of July.Mr Chandran was a stickler for rules and also stuck to deadlines.We were stiff scared of him and we never dared to stray away from the stipulated dates.

The return was ready.I took a print out ,drafted a note and a covering letter,filed the letter on the correspondence side on the right,filed the note on the left side,numbered the pages,marked the key pages on the note and the letter,affixed flags on the relevant pages and put it up to my immediate officer ,a young woman.She was blindly in love with me I guess.She did not bother to read it,put her initials and sent it to Mr Chandran for his approval.

I was very pleased with myself.I heaved a sigh of relief and took out the crossword section of the newspaper.It was playtime for me...

As I concentrated on the grids,I never realised that somebody was behind me...I was in for a shock when Mr Chandran shouted at the top of his voice and I got up startled.His eyes were blood red and fuming with anger he placed the file on my table.In a gruff voice he said,please check it and put it up again.Realising that he was speaking to a woman,he had mellowed down.Yet the anger was writ largely on his face,I could sense that.He walked away in a huff..

By then the other staff members had also got up from their seats wondering what had happened..I was misty eyed too.I opened the file and checked the contents.The note was perfect,the draft was excellent.What could have gone wrong I wondered ? Pondering over my bad stars thinking that he was in a bad mood and had vented out some other pending pressures on me,I went through the annexure that contained the details of the officers..

Whoa ! What a blunder I had committed I realised !....It was an old return dated 1998.Most of the officers mentioned therein had been transferred out of Tamilnadu. Here was a clear case of a cut, a copy and a paste without edition.I hung my head down in shame,went to his room and apologised...

Realising my folly was enough to cool matters down.It was a lesson and all for my good because I know that I can never commit such a mistake again.

The officer. smiled and said " I  have recommended your name for this year's Merit Award.Please live up to it."....The stars were in my favour.....