This is something very close to my heart and I know that all women who are my contemporaries will relate to this.What starts of as a daily routine in the early years ,when she is setting up home and family,slowly becomes a habit.......a habit that is extremely difficult to get rid of later.
She has to run,or else she will be tired...
She has to run,or else she will be tired...
With the passage of time as kids become independent, that part of the daily routine devoted to them is no longer significant, since she is no longer required to perform them.Such tasks becomes redundant causing a vacuum in her activity schedule.
The benefits of working to a routine that gives one satisfaction is immense.It was a pleasure to wake up early,pull the kids out of the bed,give them a bath even as the milk boiled and the toaster went pop.It was a pleasure to fill the water bottles and pack the lunch boxes.It was challenging to please and she had no other choice but to please and to please she had to innovate and come up with new ideas every day.
Once they were a little older,they packed their bags on their own but she still ironed their dresses,covered their books,stood in the queues , paid the fees,plaited their hair and supervised their timetable.She checked the daily calendar,their daily lessons , the class work and the home work.She asked them questions,she made them read and write and when they returned home with a topper badge,that was her reward.
As the children grew she was growing up too.
Unawares though,she was undergoing a transformation too physically and mentally.As she went about the daily routine unmindful of what her body was trying to tell her,she was swaying to the tunes of her loved ones.So unconditional was her sense to serve that she placed everything else above her own health.Her body was telling her to slow down.She would not listen.
She jogged ,she walked,she climbed,she popped in the iron capsules and was on a diet of fruits,green veggies,almonds,walnuts,spinach,legumes ,beets and dates.Yet ! the silent uprising within had begun.The first signs she ignored.That's a harmless flutter,she mumbled to herself.The signs had no intention to abate and slowly they threatened to overpower her.But she would not be cowed down.
From a flutter,the heart had begun to race rapidly.No ! she was not running a marathon.She was just sitting still.The heart needed no reason to shake her vigorously now and then.The bottled up emotions and hormones were at work full time now round the clock,so much that as she slept , all that she could hear was the thumping of her heart beat.
She tried hard to get up from sleep.She had woken up from bed but physically she lay on the bed.With great effort,realising that she was still lying,she pulled herself out and sat upright panting and sweating .With hot flushes,night sweats and palpitations for company, she slept every night and woke up to a new morning every day.
The tests were normal."You either learn to cure yourself of the panic attacks or they learn to live with you,the way you want it to be," said my physician.Its been nearly twelve years now since I had my first panic attack.The world around would seem so unreal even as I worked really hard.I now know beforehand when an attack is imminent and I have learnt to overcome it .Vigorous exercise helped and the ME that you see now is The Hunterwali Fearless Nayaki reborn in 2002.Pre 2002 she was timid,afraid and docile.
I was one of the lucky ones.A positive and Never Say Die attitude helped me to tide over the crisis.A supportive family as they say is indeed a boon.Kids ,their character and their studies was never a major cause of anxiety.......So I survived.....
