GREEN CARD - PART V !

The four parted ways and with a book in my hand ,I slipped away quietly into one of the balconies ,overlooking a well maintained lawn within the Income Tax/Central Excise/Customs Residential quarters campus on Nungambakkam high Road.

The Aaykar Bhavan complex on Nungambakkam high road houses the offices of Income Tax,Customs and the Central Excise.Uncle was serving in Chennai at that time and he was residing in a Type V government accomodation within the same campus.

Availing the time in hand and seizing the opportunity to meet his colleagues and friends at Aaykar Bhavan which was just a stone 's throw away,my father reached out to the hanger in the wardrobe, and pulled out the same shirt that he had worn the previous day.In order to avoid any further confrontation with my uncle,hurriedly buttoned up his shirt and as he stepped out of the house,called out to my mother just to inform her that he would be back home by lunch time.

In the meantime the aroma of the shallot sambhar and the Mysore rasam had managed to cool down an irate Chandru.As he was getting ready for work , the telephone bell rang ,he picked it up and spoke in his own inimitable style....

HYELLLLLO !!!!!! G O O DD !!!!!! M O R NN I N G!!!!!! ! THISSS  ISSSSS CHANDRAMOUUUUULEEEEE !!!!!

Please note that I have stressed on his accent and the punctuation for the pause , he takes ,between words while speaking .Like our own Vajpayee Jee ,he blinks,shuts his eyes,opens them ,perhaps thinks,rehearses in the mind and then speaks slow,loud and clear.

The voice at the other end must have replied in Thamizh.He was quick to respond...

NAMASSSSSKAAAAARAMS ! !!!!!!!!!!

SOLLLLLLLUNGGGGO !!!!!!!!!!YEPPO VARRRREL ?

A worried mother ,was uttering the name of the Lord in whispers in the adjacent puja room.Even as she recited the hymns, her ears were glued to the telephone conversation and she was well aware that it was the mother of the boy at the other end...

VANGO VANGO ! NANGO UNGALLAI AAVALUDDAN ETHIRPAARTHINDIRUUKKOM....(Please come .We are expecting you eagerly.)

Hearing this,my mother almost fainted,even as a determined aunt came to her rescue...saying..."Let the lady come.If she is coming alone as my dear husband  says,I am certain that there is more to this than meets the eye and your innocent brother- in- law, I am sad to say dear Manni, has not able to read her mind.".............

GREEN CARD...PART IV

As morning dawned, a sleepy faced mother ,pondering on what was still left in store in the alliance drama,was trying to come to terms with the present situation.My mother unlike her seemingly meek and docile appearance is a very strong woman.If anybody could confront my uncle ,it was only her.She can be equally adamant and stubborn, if she wishes and can penalise people around her with her silence . A strong willed lady,over the years ,she has earned the admiration and respect of my uncle in a way, that he holds her in high esteem today..

My uncle is a good facilitator,a great friend and above all  a supportive husband.He held high positions in the IRS and is a down to earth person.An early riser ,he would always lend a helping hand in the household chores also.He still loves to do the sweeping,mopping and the odd cleaning jobs. Chandru a firm believer, that work is worship and that hard work alone can earn rich dividends  , has never employed a household helper all his life.

It was breakfast time and as the daily practice,aunt placed the bread ,cheese,butter, jam and veggies ........onions ,tomatoes and cucumber on the dining table .Then uncle took over,helped himself to a sandwich and the rest of us followed suit.Each one of us was given the freedom to prepare our own breakfast and when done,a kindhearted Uncle did the entire cleaning...

A voracious reader ,he read three newspapers everyday.In between the innumerable phone calls that he would attend,in the morning hours, he would also cut vegetables and decide on the menu.Here, it was again that moment of the day ,when he would suddenly turn into an oppressive despot and all hands and legs would start working silently...

As he browsed the morning paper on that day,with a tone of authority, he informed us that the mother of the boy would be coming home in the afternoon.Still in a state of shock ,disbelief,and unable to think with a calm state of mind,the three.......my father, mother and aunt stood speechless.Unhappy with their reaction,and reiterating that although all aspects have to be taken into consideration ,while fixing a match , prima facie , education and character have to be taken into account first , and when one is convinced of the genuineness of both , the rest can be ignored..

However , my mother did not concur with his views entirely, expressed her opinion vehemently  like never before and emphasised on the need for a financially sound family background first and foremost .As we listened to her in rapt attention,I was in awe of my mother ,the others must have been impressed too.My uncle was yet to come down from his pedestal and in a moment of rage , a furious Chandru blew his top and the four were silenced......

GREEN CARD UNDER SCRUTINY -Part III

A highly reluctant and shaken mother,escorted by my father ,accompanied by my uncle and aunt left home at 6PM. My mother is by nature a very sentimental woman and she was extremely superstitious in those days.Over the years,she has changed considerably,and citing her grandchildren as reason for her transformation ,she has willingly compromised on some of her rigid beliefs and customs.A highly diplomatic woman,since her life now revolves around her grandchildren ,cleverly she has adapted herself to suit the needs of the fast and the texting new generation.From a strict mother she has evolved into an atrociously lenient grandmother who is bent on satisfying the young brats...

Nevertheless,since word had been given to the parents of the boy,my mother agreed to pay a visit to their home.That my mother was disinterested ,was clearly evident in her long drawn out face and unlike even normal days when she is usually prim and properly dressed,on that particular evening she presented a grim picture of herself....a trait she can slip into sometimes even today...

On the way they bought fruits,flowers ,sweets and other items including coconut and manjal kumkumam for the Vettrillai paaku as per the customary practice.Uncle was in no mood to relent to the mood of my mother and had admonished her for not being cheerful.Picking up courage to appear normal,she had accompanied them..

The family of the boy lived in Mandaiveli.Earlier in the day,my uncle had obtained the address and the directions from the boy's father and the travelling distance was only a few kms from Nungambakkam to Mandaiveli...

As they approached Mandaiveli ,the boy's father was waiting near a designated landmark on his two wheeler.The car followed him into the bylanes of Mandaiveli..Winding their way through small lanes and bylanes,enroute the market area in Mandaiveli,they reached the boy's house...

Already in a state of dissent and dissatisfaction,my mother's worst fears appeared to be coming true and the others including my uncle were in for a rude shock.The locality resembled a chawl and the family of five lived in a one room kitchen unit on the second floor.A narrow staircase lead the four to the second floor and as they walked along the dim lit corridor ,the scenes of open doors, men ,women and children loitering around ,hanging clothes,the common dirty passageways and the din was appaling...

The family was indeed coming up the hard way.Mr Ramani was a meritorious student and had passed out from the prestigious Anna University.That they did not hide their status was appreciable and yet disconcerting too.They were courteous and had offered sweets,snacks and coffee.After spending an hour or so,my parents returned home with a new story for me.

We grew up the hard way too.Dilapidated,yet ours was an independent flat at Kolkata .That was the story of the sixtys and the early seventys.By the late seventys we had moved into a comfortable and spacious accomodation .So adapting now to this kind of a habitat even temporarily was unthinkable..

As far as my parents and aunt were concerned,there was no point in moving further and the match had to be called off.On the other hand,shaken but firmly holding ground ,Chandru was trying hard to make the other three still see reason to continue.

The mother of the boy had offered to come again the next day and the bewildered foursome had no other option but to say YES....

The Green Card- Part II

Chandru was adamant.He would not tolerate the sobbing and the cribbing. He was highly impressed with the education credentials, the behaviour of the boy and that was it.The wails of a concerned mother fell on deaf ears.Brushing aside my mother's opinion as foolish maternal sentiments,he urged my father to proceed into the matter.

The Subbu family had a loving patriarch in Subbu and a stern Hitler in Chandru.Chandru was a man with a hard exterior but a tender interior.One has to live with him to comprehend his goodness.Contrary to the stern appearance and the rough behaviour that his personality exudes ,he is a man with a  heart.I have always wondered why he is always frowning and I am still searching for answers.

The octagenarian ,who retired as Director of Customs,is a self made man, an active bridge player even today and was a regular columnist in various newspapers till a few years back.He succumbed to love quite easily and Nayaki was the apple of his eye.He had aspirations and dreams for her just like a father and showered her with love and affection, albeit in his own strict distinct style..

The conflicts usually arose when somebody dared to defy him.He always had the welfare of the family in mind and took the major and minor decisions.In order to maintain decorum within the four walls and knowing that he was a true well wisher,all of us abided and obeyed him blindly without a slightest sigh or a complaint.Lest he opens the third eye,we acted in accordance to his wishes and tried our best not to give him any opportunity to lose his cool....

It was a similar situation on that fateful day in 1986.Fearing his rage,we kept mum.Mother and myself huddled up at night and also confided in each other.Mother was not happy.Call it the maternal instinct or the seventh sense,something did not augur well for her.She was forthright in expressing her displeasure in proceeding with the alliance and I could sense that she was feeling rather insecure..

My mother did not sleep a wink that night.Neither did I.I kept pondering over why I was not able to come to a conclusion.He was good mannered ,well educated and good looking.Yet ! something was also stopping me in expressing my like for the boy and the willingness to get married to him. Teary eyed my mother asked me ,"Do you know the story of 47 Natkal? "I nodded " Yes,I do Manni." That story haunts me she had told me that night.....Incidentally,let me tell you I address my parents as Anna and Manni

The next morning,Chandru was up,highly eager to go and meet the parents of the boy.He called up the father and informed him that the four of them ,my father,mother,uncle and aunt would like to meet him formally at their house at any time convenient for them...

The father of the boy readily agreed and I clearly remember it was a Sunday and my parents were invited to their place either before 4.30PM or after 6PM......

Radha & A Green Card Connection !

Hearing that the Doc alliance was not making headway,Thirupara mami sent another horoscope to Subbu. Subbu's transfer orders were awaited and the family was getting ready for the D Day to move out of Calcutta.

This particular boy had completed his engineering and was pursuing higher studies in Pennsylvania.The alliance was referred to my uncle Chandru who was in Chennai at that time.It was the year 1986.

Chandru was entrusted with the preliminary investigations.One day the parents of the boy met chittappa at his residence in Chennai.The boy was in India for a month and the parents were keen to get him married before he left.

Horoscopes and photographs were exchanged and matched in a hurry. The astrologers Nagarajan and Thirupurasundari were consulted.Having received the green signal to go ahead, Radha's father and uncle were very keen on proceeding. In the meantime, Radha's uncle also met the boy and he was highly impressed.

Then as far as he was concerned,the match was already made. He made an SOS call to his brother ,Radha's dad Subbu instructing him to send her at the earliest. Radhu was despatched by an Indian Airlines flight to Chennai the very next day.Arrangements for the boy and the girl to meet was done on a war footing..

We met .He came over to the uncle's home and spent half a day.Ramani was a six footer and very good looking.As the boy and the girl sat around the dining table,they exchanged pleasantries and Chittappa kept him engaged in intelligent conversation..

Radhu was not comfortable though.Chandru had made enquiries about him from his friends in the US.Common friends as references emerged in the midst of the conversation and chittappa was in a mood of jubiliation and celebration.She hardly spoke ...She was incredibly shy those days and terribly nervous too on that particular day..

Her limbs shivered,her voice quivered and her palms were sweaty.Radhu did try to put up a brave front but her face gave it away.Sensing that ,after he left,her aunt reprimanded her husband Chandru saying that he was being too hasty and creating unnecessary expectations for the boy's family,even before the girl and her parents had given consent..

Ramani's father called the uncle later in the day and informed him that they were willing to go ahead with the alliance and requested for a formal meet yet again between the two families..

Paying no heed to his wife's advice,Chandru immediately called up his brother and instructed him to come immediately.Subbu,Viji and Karthi flew to Chennai immediately.Air fares were exorbitant and Subbu would have shelled out half a lakh for an impending misadventure.

The date was fixed and the family arrived,father,mother,two sons including Ramani,and a daughter in tow...

Ramani was the eldest of the three.The proverbial saying that sojji bajji make matches was not followed on that day.Uncle had made special arrangements for the choicest kachoris ,samosas and Bengali sweets..

They spent a couple of hours with the girl's family.The conversation was very lively and they were very friendly,without giving away the slightest sign of being total strangers.The mother seemed to be dominating...that is what Viji sensed in the course of the conversation .Though they were very clear about not accepting dowry,they kept repeating that their son was incurring a lot expendirture abroad...

As they prepared to leave,they reiterated that they were willing to go ahead with the alliance..Ramani would leave in a month's time and if possible the bride could accompany him too

As soon as they left, Radhu's mother and aunt got going with the usual cleaning chores even as  the Father Subbu and uncle Chandru  continued with the conversation...Plans to fix a date for the wedding and choose a venue was on top of their agenda.Radha slipped away into a corner of the balcony with a story book in her hand.She was in a state of daze too...and the best part was nobody had even bothered to ask if she was marriage ready..

Lunch was delayed on that day and later during the day ,over lunch, the six of them were together again.Viji was too scared of her brother-in-law Chandru ,never crossed his path.They hardly spoke to each other...But on that day she spoke..

As she swallowed the first morsel of rice,her voice trembled and choked....Please I beg of you..Please do not proceed with this alliance.....But the adamant uncle was still determined.....

EXODUS !

It was the year 1986.I had completed my graduation and like most of the fresh graduates then,I was applying for Government and bank jobs.In the menwhile ,I had also joined an IAS Coaching Institute in Chennai.Dad was eager that I should join the civil services and I was keen too.Alas ! But ! That was not too happen.

Like all enthusiastic fathers keen on securing a stable future for their kids,It was him who did the running around .I just had to sign the application forms.He would carefully browse newspapers for advertisements of the upcoming competitive exams.I do the same now for my girls.

We had shifted to Chennai  just recently.Father  was posted as the Assistant Director of Investigation Having served for more than two and a half decades in the eastern region,this was his first stint in the south and for the first time in his career, he was all set to occupy a prestigious Government accomodation.Needless to say,mother,my brother and myself were thrilled.

The motive of the transfer  was clear.He was in search of a suitable groom for his daughter and the transfer at the opportune moment suited him fine.Most of our relatives were in Chennai and as he started applying for the exams,simultaneously, he was also in the process of exchanging horoscopes .

In the days when internet was unheard of and snail mail the order of the day,Subbu  would painstakingly write letters to the parents of prospective grooms .He would brief Nayaki on the suitors and ask her for her concurrence.She was too naïve or too obedient or too shy or whatever ,Nayaki  would say rather coyly…”Do as you please Anna.I know that you will find the best for me.”

Anna had choices clearly listed out and and it was 1) chartered accountant,2)civil services,3)banks ,in that order.When we received Doc’s horoscope,he was not too keen.Anyway as they say matches are made in heaven and the knot tied on earth.So it was destiny that brought us together and I am truly thankful for that.It was a distant relative who had suggested this alliance.Thripura mami was a very learned woman and an astrologer too.She happened to be Nayaki’s newly wedded cousin’s grand mother-in-law.

The horoscope of a budding ophthalmologist was sent to my father Subbu in 1985 when we were still in Kolkata. Subbu’s chittappa…Nagarajan chittappa was the family astrologer and he had approved of the match.The matching of the horoscopes was conveyed to the boy’s family .Nayaki’s recent photograph was forwarded along with the letter.

Doc’s father T.R.Mahalingam alias Ambi was slow to respond.We were still in Calcutta and more than three months had lapsed since my father had sent the letter to Ambi.I think he sent a reminder also to 1& 2 TPS Nagar,Medical College Road Thanjavur .

A few days later we received Ambi’s letter.”Dear Sir ! Much though we are interested in pursuing this alliance and taking it further,we are unable to proceed.We wish your daughter a happy future.”The photograph was also returned.

In the meantime we had begun to pack bag and baggage.The containers had arrived and with a  heavy heart we were preparing ourselves to leave Calcutta for good.Our association with the city of joy was coming to an end….As I had a glimpse of the Bhagirathi Hooghly from the Howrah Bridge,Nayaki was unaware of the flow of where she was headed to.With tears and dreams in her eyes Nayaki occupied the top berth of the Ist class coupe of Coramandel Express…and the train chugged slowly away from the station…..

PAPA LOVE !

Both my girls are pursuing their studies in hostels.My younger daughter has been away for five years now and I still miss her terribly.Sometimes ,when they are busy and I am unable to speak to them during the course of the day I feel miserable..On such days I can only manage to say a Hi and a Bye..

I was speaking to my younger daughter yesterday evening.She was in a mood to talk,and we chatted for nearly an hour.Here I reproduce a transcript of the conversation...

Amma : Hey ! Girl ! How was your posting today ? Missing you terribly dear girl.

Daughter : Ma ! Day was good.I was back in my room early.I will be busy tomorrow.I miss you too Ma but I miss Appa more..

Amma : Huh !

My younger daughter is doing her internship after completing MBBS and is right now posted in the paediatric unit.

Daughter : I am loving the paediatric posting.I was a pre term baby right ? and because you were not keeping too well Appa took care of me.You have told me so many times that my grandmothers also took care of me so that you could take complete rest .

Amma : Huh ! Yes ! But that was only for a couple of months and well ! all new moms get the care and attention.

Daughter : Yes....But you joined duty after six months .Then grandmother and Appa took turns to take care of me .Amma ! I remember very well.When we were unwell ,or down with cold or fever ,Appa was always by our side.

Amma : I know ,I know , that's because Appa is a doctor and as a Dad he loves you so dearly.So do I ,but I am magnanimous.He liked to tend to your needs and you were Appa's daughter.I let you both be .

Daughter : When we were older,he stood in the queue for school admission ,in the queue again every year to pay the fees .When we started going to school he dropped us,picked us up .He took us to the tailor for our
school uniforms ,to Bata for the shoes and Baggy &Baggy for the school bags.

Amma : He had flexible working hours.He loves you immensely.He liked to do the running
around.It was a pleasure.So he did it.I would have done it too.

Daughter : He ironed our uniform,filled the water bottles and polished our shoes.Remember ! Akka would insist...Muippa thaan venum ..Muippa thaan ootanum...( I want Appa,I want Appa to feed me )

Amma :Hmmmmmm... I packed your lunch everyday.

Daughter : Yes ! You made yummy parathas every day.You were good at it and you never gave us a choice.It was parathas with Aloo on Monday,parathas with a mix veg on Tuesday,Parathas with
tomato thokku on Wednesdays,Parathas with dhal on Thursday and Parathas with lady's finger on
Friday..

Amma : Hmmmmmmm...

Daughter was in a mood to pull amma's legs and Amma was in no mood to relent.I was determined to make her acknowledge my services..

Amma : Do you mean to say that I have not done anything for you?I have helped you with your
projects,experiments,drawings and your daily lessons.I combed your hair and tied it in pigtails.
Daughter : Ouch ! Yes ! The tight piggy tails hurt but we never complained.Ma ! We were good at
studies.If you helped with the projects,Appa bought the chart paper ,colour pencils and other stationery items.Appa covered our books with brown paper and stuck the labels too.You were never
good at covering books.Appa used to do a very neat job and later we started doing it on our own.So you did not have much of a problem.You never worried about us studying and if I am not wrong we were on our own from Std V. When we burnt the midnight oil,Appa gave us company even as you slept.But yes ! you helped us at times with Maths...You were really helpful..

Amma : Oh ! Was I ? Oh Really ? How was I useful ?....

I was all ready to flare up but realising that my girl was alone and missing her dad ,I decided to keep mum.As a mother ,I was quick to understand that she was misty eyed ,though the tone in her voice
did not give away that emotion...and I am absolutely certain that under similar circumstances a Dad would not be able to figure out the state of mind of his daughter.

Daughter : I remember you scolding us for making silly mistakes..

Amma : So ? This is not a compliment my dear girl...

Daughter : You would get very angry when we left a problem incomplete or did not write the answer
fully in figures and words....Remember you used to ask us.?
...Pattammma...Ithu yenna maaa..?????.Kayuthaya,Gudharaya,Vengayama ,KathirukkayA...? ( Sweetheart ! What's this ? Donkey,Horse,Onion or Eggplant ?

Amma : :-).....The momentary emotion of anger was disappearing and I was happy again,thrilled rather.My girl misses me.I am in her thoughts,Saying to myself,I smiled and continued with the conversation..

Daughter : These words had a deep impression on our young minds such that we were careful while solving maths problems...Whenever I solved a math problem and wrote the answer,the image of a donkey would pop up in my mind..I tell my friends even now and we have a good laugh...See you were that beneficial....She laughed heartily...

AmmA : Apadeeya....Seree vaa unnai gavinikkeren....( I will take care of you...literally translated )

Both my daughters were good at Maths .My younger daughter was very good . As far as I can remember she always scored full marks in Maths.Every year when she received her report card her teachers had a special word of praise for her Math abilities.She was also a state rank holder in Maths in the Board Exam.

Daughter : Amma , I was a math whiz kid.

Amma :Yes dear ,You should have majored in Maths instead of medicine.I wanted you to join the Institute of Maths.You did not listen to me...

Daughter : I know Ma...My dear Appa has done so much for me.By pursuing a career in Medicine,which is so dear to him, I knew he would be very happy...It's my way of repaying....Not
that he would not have approved any other decision of mine but this has made him proud...

Amma : Ok ! Enough ! So tell me...how do you intend to repay me ?

Daughter : Ma ! I Received my first stipend today....Name anything that you want and it will be yours......Appa is a man of few wants .He is so simple.So I am not going to ask him if he needs anything...

Amma : Hmmmmmmmm......

I was slipping into a state of amnesia.As I ponder now on  what I did for my girls,I seem to forget,I am unable to recall.

 .Desperate, I hit upon an idea...I will go on flashback mode,rewind and try to recall day by day from day one.It is going to be a mission tough but not impossible...As I try to recall now ,I remember the story telling sessions,the  read aloud fairy tale moments,my presence as the make artist,my visits to the fancy dress shop on Kodambakkam High Road and phew ! I am relieved...Anyway,till I am able to convince myself of my painstaking efforts that I had taken in nurturing and bringing them up,and then drive the point into their heads....See Amma did this for you ,Amma did that...I will be myself as always....let go,let them be and allow the trio to be enamoured of  one another .......

Moral of the story : A Father is a Daughter"s best friend and the
Daughter will always be the apple of his eyes.