FLATTERY FOR THE GOOD SOUL !

I am circumspect,
Oh ! Lord let me think wisely !
Give me the wisdom to identify the right from the wrong,
how do I distinguish the genuine from the feigned ?

Flattery that is insincere,
are words of praise from the lips,
bouquet of laurels,
not truly meant from the heart.

Flattery that is insincere ,
are stumbling blocks,
which impede progress,
even before one can start.

Flattery that is insincere,
is a give away,
an extol excessive,
but how does one detect that ?

Yet ! I also beg to differ !
Flattery done right ,
by friends one trusts,
is apt to make the day more bright !

They who are praised, if open to criticism,
they who are praised, if they are level headed,
inspite of adulation,know that they have still miles to go,
Can sweet talk get into their heads ?

Now I am convinced,
Flattery is sincere,the reason is that
the receiver is aware ,
the adulation is genuine,

and he knows he must have made a small impact.
or must be a reason for some cheer ,
in a mood sullen ,he brings a smile and enlivens ,
he makes no faces and does not crib.

Accepting in all humility.
adulation will make him truly happy,
knowing fully well that,
his effort is only a drop in the mighty ocean.

Then....
I like to think too " Where's the wrong,"

STAY CALM AND ACCUMULATE !

My Sunday two cents before I embark on the weekly cleaning/rearranging work at home......

Before I begin on any task that requires mind,hand ,eye coordination,hence complete concentration, the ability to think fast and deliver ,I like to write.You could call it the brain cleaning or the brain storming session.Since it is pouring incessantly here I would also like to pour out to my heart's content and nomenclate the day's proceedings as "The Brain Storming Session."

Each moment of our lives is special.It is best to live with the attitude that the present moment is good for one.To be in the present is to constantly try to comprehend a hidden message,trying to decipher a secret code perhaps, knowing fully well that tomorrow is a mystery and the future is full of possibilities and uncertainties.

Accepting this and to go with the magic flow is allowing oneself to be at peace with the present, so as to endow oneself with the confidence to act , empowerment to execute well and the intelligence to guide oneself in the correct direction.

Acceptance without creativity is resignation.In order to realise a dream or a vision,short term as I have planned for today or a long term goal that all of us aspire for , the activities aimed in that direction should necessarily involve creativity which is the desire to innovate and also take calculated risks .Life should be a balance between "creativity and acceptance" that can vary depending on the goal...

I have motivated myself to identify the task for today and at the end of the day I will certainly not be a loser. I am absolutely sure that my inner self will gain immense satisfaction...

Today's woman learns to be successful and also learns never to be satisfied, for ain't a satisfied mind a deterrent to her desires and ambitions ? Striking a balance between success and satisfaction is important I realise but prudently ,my inner voice opines otherwise for the present and for the day and whispers silently into my brain...

"Success is getting what you like,retaining what you like and accumulating more of what you like.Satisfaction is liking what you get to keep........

Li

THE TRANSITION BEGINS !

Today nearly three decades later as Nayaki muses on how she is going to find that perfect match for her daughters,she is worried.As a concerned mother, her priority will be to search and find the best for her girls.Over the years,she has performed her duties as a wife ,a daughter- in -law and a mother to the best of her ability.The past now seems to have been so much easier when she now looks towards the future .

With advancing age as insecurity grips her,she is shrouded by a fear of the uncertain.A mother wishes to see her girls settled in life.Or is it the maternal instinct that seems to suggest that a family makes a woman complete ? The career woman in her thinks otherwise and questions a mother's resolve to thrust family responsibilities on a young woman,who , though , has imbibed the qualities of passion to serve, also has in her , the spark to achieve, the zeal to excel and the vision to realise a dream .It is certain that a mother is going to be tested now onwards....

Will Nayaki compromise and will she be very rigid in sticking to her expectations as the mother of a girl? Will she  place pre conditions before she finalises the match ?  Will her girl choose her own life partner ? This and many more questions pop up in her wavering mind. So she makes a list of her  expectations as the mother of an eligible girl,knowing pretty well that all her expectations will not be fulfilled .Also as a mother of a professionally qualified girl ,what she will definitely expect and also pray is that her daughter is wedded into an affectionate and caring family which will treat her as their own daughter and be supportive all along..

As a young girl,when Nayaki grew up under the protection and warmth of grandparents,uncles,aunts and parents,at that time, she never realised the importance of the role played by her mother as a dutiful daughter- in -law.As far as Nayaki was concerned,Vijaya was just another member who also took care of some of Nayaki's needs.While she groomed her daughter to be an independent individual,it was also firmly thrust into the young mind that respect and obedience to elders comes above everything else.

Nayaki's admiration for her mother now,has since increased manifold because she never questioned any close family member, who was involved in little Nayaki's daily activities and in her upbringing.When one uncle chose to take her out for a ride daily , bought dresses for her, Vijaya never came in their midst .Another uncle took care of Nayaki's academics and Vijaya never interfered .Grandma Kannamani ensured that Nayaki was never on an empty stomach and Vijaya never questioned her mother-in-law.So that is how Vijaya was .....a selfless woman who trusted not just her husband but all the members of her family and treated her in-laws as her own parents...a trait that is so rare to come by  nowadays.

It was the month of April 1986. Subbu had received the transfer orders to Chennai a couple of days back.Prior to receiving the orders ,Subbu had spoken to a few friends in Chennai regarding the school admission for Ambi Thambi in Class IX.He was also assured of admission in a reputed school. Ambi was studying in Don Bosco Park Circus when Subbu received the posting orders to Chennai.Don Bosco Calcutta  followed the ICSE curriculum. Subbu was particular on admission in an ICSE school in Chennai for his son.

It was nearly a year now since Nayaki had completed her graduation and she was jobless.She helped Vijaya with the household chores and learnt basics of simple daily cooking. Having completed her graduation ,she had appeared for  some competitive exams.The results were awaited.Fresh out of college and because she did not wish to be idle she had started taking home tuitions too for Classes I to VIII.

Annapurna alias Anu,Amit alias Cheeku,Manisha alias Munni,Sonu and Babloo...I forget the good names of the last two now....were Nayaki's first students. Anu ,Cheeku and Munni were siblings. Anu the eldest was in Class VI, Cheeku the second was in Class IV,Munni was in Class I, Sonu and Bablu the cute Sindhi brothers were in UKG and LKG respectively when they first began training under Nayaki's tutelage that was to last for just one year.

Match making had taken a back seat and Subbu was busy calling in the packers and movers .The family was getting ready to leave Kolkata for good....

ECLIPSED AND OVERWHELMED !

Aaah ! It is Chandra Grahanam tonight announced a beaming Saroja as she went about her morning chores in mundane routine fashion.Aah ! Routine…let me think….that’s for Ma in law to muse upon murmured an amused Nayaki as she was drawing the daily kolam in the puja room.

Much though I would like to think and firmly believe that routine in moderation is only good,some whom I interact with on a daily basis are sticklers for rules and follow a strict routine every day without deviation, that sometimes leads me to try to believe that Strict Routine is indeed the mantra for a disciplined and a long healthy life." No way." I tell myself.The sticklers for routine are the senior citizens…my father in law Mahalingam and father Subramanian both octagenarians and my mother Vijaya and mother in law Saroja both septuagenarians…

While one couple had set home in the early 1950s in Tanjore near the Cauvery,another couple raised their children within the boundaries of an urban jungle near the banks of the Bhagirathi Hooghly.Each one to his own art of living  I guess and as a friend remarked each individual is indeed wired differently.Each individual is unique but with advancing years, the similar behaviour in almost all aspects,of the four highly revered and respected elders is truly baffling .

If I was able to dance ,sing,draw,paint,stitch, study and play in the good old days I owe all my abilities to my parents and if I am a career woman today,if I still get the space I need for my recreation ,if today I have the liberty to laze or relax as I please,and if I have the freedom to rant and blog ,I must thank the other two pillars who came into my life when I was 23 years old and completed the foundation work laid by my parents .The four of them have been instrumental in bringing out the best in me,and without the constant support and encouragement of whom I would not have been what I am today.They allow me to be as I please and they maintain routine for me..In return I try to do my bit…

 I still maintain that routine in moderation is good ,to prioritise is more important than carrying out mundane chores routinely.As I was getting ready for work today morning ,I pondered…"Over the years,why have I not adhered to a routine ?" To cite innumerable reasons,please note “reasons” and not “excuses “ is topmost on my mind now.I feel an irresistible urge to justify my actions… that’s all..

Perhaps with four pillars around me,I have never been forced to be committed, in the sense that mundane responsibilities were never thrust upon me. That in turn gave me the necessary space to do what I thoroughly enjoy and also to think out of the box once in a way.

"Have I failed in discharging my duties ? "my conscience prods me.As I look at the past excepting for my own personal academic excellence which I did aim for once upon a time and personal career upgradations which I willingly let go to take care of home and family, I have fared reasonably OK on the home and the work front.As I look at the present ,though my rise has been slow I am stable and contended.Should I take the credit ?. Maybe Not !!!!!!!

With an avalance of thoughts in my mind,the mind still refusing to accept the principle of following a  routine come what may for a disciplined life I ponder again…I have never been able to stick to a particular routine.I firmly believe that transfer of blame is a sign of weakness.As I ponder over the reasons for not being able to adhere to routine,I will not blame others but I have to thank many who have helped me to achieve the much needed stability in my life inspite of straying away from routine..

Growing up in a joint family has its advantages and I am thankful for the lessons it taught me early in my life.We learnt to adjust and share.We were taught to go to bed early and rise early.That was routine,though we were allowed to break free from routine during holidays.Grandmother was a stickler for routine and the designated duties for the rest of the family members just got easier.While she maintained time and a routine,the others chipped in to help,thus maintaining the rhythm of her routine.

She would not be happy to deviate from her rigid routine and the others were only too happy to keep her happy.She followed a strict code of conduct for herself,only expected us to do our bit and as much as we could do willingly with a smile on our face.She followed a routine ,the others simply followed her and in the process a systematic work pattern akin to an efficiently functioning assembly line fell in place.It was then impossible for any one of us to get off track.She caught us young and in the process we cultivated good practices that became habits for life.

While she ensured that her routine never went haywire, she was willingly sacrificing many of her own interests.A contended  Kannamani had laid the basis for the stable growth of the family as a whole .Clearly she had taken upon herself the responsibility of also ensuring that all her family members got to do what they wanted. She was fostering in each one of us the urge to explore the unexplored and kindling desires to create and innovate.

While she stuck to her routine,time and her targets,the rest had the flexibility to contribute their bit and continue with their interests.It was ofcourse expected that each one of us would discharge our personal duties and responsibilities without having to be reminded.

A Kannamani and a Krishnamoorthy in Kolkata as shining beacons  set an example for Subramanian and Vijaya who emulated their practices.A Saradambal and a Ramachandran in Thirividaimaruthur were doing the same and they passed on the family secret to Mahalingam and Saroja…….

Are Nayaki and her Nayak empowered too ? As guilt seems to overpower a sleepyhead Nayaki,she can be heard whispering…."Can you please pour some hot water into the coffee filter before you go to bed ?"…She was only delegating…….

A DAUGHTER IS HER MOTHER'S BEST FRIEND !

Few years ago,when the internet was not a rage,

I sipped my morning coffee as I flipped a page,

I waited eagerly for the newspaper boy ,

and to pounce upon him was not a ploy....

when he arrived a few seconds late ,

to take him to task,which I now elaborate ,

Why the heck are you not punctual ? I would say ,

Care do you ? if my routine goes awry,I pray !

In the midst of a skirmish, the day had just begun ,

the aroma of the bean was spreading under the morning sun.,

The elders were restless,waiting for the brew ,

and I was anxious,the headlines were out of my view....

Repeatedly I'd say " I know to read and I make myself clear,

those who read aloud to me ,black and white ,please can you hear ?

shall be subject to a treatment,they can ill afford to dream ,

pack I shall lunch boxes only with buttermilk rice without the cream .

My warnings would fall on deaf ears and I rose from being a rebel ,

i dreamt of being , to a compassionate and a loving angel .

They flung the papers,they played “Relay” as I watched helplessly ,

it was a lost battle that I was fighting for,everyday hopelessly ,

The newspapers were exchanged,and I looked on ,

I was aware of all the headlines for the new morn.

I was down but not out as yet ,

I was still reigning you bet....

My little girls were getting ready for school,

and I sang along with them “Have you any wool ?”

I would pull them up for an incomplete assignment,

or we would talk freely about a Science experiment.

How I wish I could hold those tiny hands,

independent now, they have a task in faraway lands

Almighty Lord! bless them! Keep them safe and secure !

A mother has forgotten the pains she once did endure.

With colourful bands,I tied their hair in piggy tails,

Ouch Ma ! it hurts,they cried,in screams and wails,

I ironed their clothes and smothered them with baby powder,

Aah ! my outpouring now seems to be getting a little louder.

I helped them with their projects and daily lessons,

chaffeured them to classes for dance and music sessions,

The day was done and happily I would put them to sleep,

“I am yet to see today's paper,”that would be a constant beep.

Today,although I have all the time on my hands,

Yet ! Forgotten I have the art of making braids in strands,

They taught me to read and write and with them I grew,

I have a lump in my throat every day morn as I savour my brew...

Today I get to read the newspaper first,my girls are busy now,

The empty nest syndrome I suffer,Oh ! How !

I wish I would rather not scan the newspapers, I sigh !

the tears drop on my key board and I cannot lie.........

अरुणां करुणा तरंगिताक्षीं धृतपाशांकुश पुष्पबाणचापाम् । अणिमादिभि रावृतां मयूखैः अहमित्येव विभावये भवानीम् !

Its already the Navrathri weekend .”Can we plan the menu for the next week and the weeks ahead my dear?”….an anxious Kannamani asked the dutiful daughter-in-law.”Oh ! Yes Ma ! as you please,”replied an ever beaming and contended Vijaya.

It was Saturday evening and Vijaya was lighting the lamp at the altar. Kannamani went about like a littered kitten from one room to another.It was also the practice to light incense and spread Dhoop fumes in all the corners……a practice that Nayaki follows till date.....An adorable Saroja has taken the place of the affectionate Kannamani today and Nayaki feels truly blessed.

“It lends an air of divine ambience to the home,and I like to do it.As you light the lamp, keep the entrance door open for a while and allow the Goddesses of Health.Wealth and Prosperity to enter”…she added. Nayaki was a small child and her grandmother’s words were very inspiring. 

With the lilting melody of Lalitha Sahasranamam playing in the background, Kannamani  was back to her usual grumbling and nagging ways.”Remember we have less than a week left  for Vijaya Dashami.” .The menu for the past one month had been meticulously chalked out in the first week of the earlier month.”No onions,no garlic,no drumsticks,no cabbage,none of the English veggies save the carrots”….Kannamani would mumble often and Nayaki would be highly amused....

Even today I laugh heartily when I think of my grandmother.Planning and executing breakfast,lunch,dinner for the day,planning and executing breakfast,lunch and dinner for the next day,planning and executing breakfast, lunch and dinner for the days after and for the special days weeks or months later,buying veggies for the day,for the following day and the days after,stock taking of groceries and provisions for the day,the following day and the days after was a routine she followed meticulously till the end of her life...

Come weekends and the toiling hands would take turns in rolling the grinding stones to churn out a steady supply of idli/dosa batter for the coming week.The daily lunch menu during the Mahalaya paksha boasted of all that was uninteresting and unpalatable…”Oh !Patti !Can we please do without the banana stems and the gourds?”…Nayaki would beg and plead.Her pleas would go unheeded though and the seemingly merciless grandma had the final say every day…….that she would cajole and console a weepy child with bars of Cadbury’s chocolates is a secret that Nayaki would rather keep to herself. 

Decades later...........It is the 21st century and the year 2014.As September comes to a close it is Durga Puja time once again.A mod mami is back to old business.She plans and executes with perfection Nayaki style.Gourds and pumpkins are served for lunch.The senior citizens are a happy lot and the texting modern gen are irksome.With an aim to balance the old and the new,and to save precious time,Nayaki orders veggies online and pizzas are home made on demand.Breakfasts are a blend of TamBrahm and Continental veg……Aval Uppuma,Rava uppuma,Pongal with tomato chutney,Khichuree with Begun Bhaja for the conservatives ........Onion and garlic free Noodles ,Pastas and Nutella spread sandwiches for the youngsters.

"Its time to put on my thinking cap and gear up for a challenging week ahead," mumbles Nayaki."Just another week left for the Navrathri celebrations to end…..The rooms have to be cleared once again, furniture has to rearranged ,the mud dolls have to be wrapped in cloth and newspaper,and sent back securely to their designated positions up above  in the lofts where they will stay in hibernation for another year .Slotted angles will have to be converted as shelves even as books small and large,many heavy,some light,hard bound and paperback,story books and novels,pillow sized medical textbooks and glossy journals,log books and record books await  a release  from the stacked wardrobes ,and from underneath the cots " she grumbles....

Oh ! Ammmma ! Appapppppa !!!!!!! three generations to please! including yours truly,Nayaki groans!!!!!…her voice  inaudible ,a little hoarse or has it begun to sound like Kannamani’s ?

Kadalai Paruppu Sundal on Navrathri Day 1 for my special Chettiar Guests !

Whoever said that friends are destined to meet must be absolutely right.Are you a Piscean dearest friend ?...Oh ! if not ! Are you an ex Kolkatan ?Are you from the land of the Kobi guru ? Do you break into a song when you hear a twitter ?Are you obsessed with green cover.? Do the glaciers melt your heart.? Are you still a child,plain happy and content. ? Is your laughter interspersed with tears ? Do you move with the flow in tune with nature?You must be yourself….If the answer is YES to atleast any one of the above you are indeed my friend.

Seated very close to a window,whenever the going gets a little hard,I simply gaze outside  .With a heavy heart,I have now come to terms with the realization that some day, the open skies will be occupied too.Yet !Its me just me ,near a  window that overlooks the high rise Hyatt Regency on Mount Road Chennai,Its me, only me, who connects with the clouds above and the pitter patter of the rains while others unmindful of the presence of nature in all its beauty are buried in files or glued to monitors.

As I communicate with my peers and colleagues and also work,I can also see some green cover,huge mango, neem and banyan trees and I can hear little birds chirping.Thank heavens for these small mercies in my jungle.

I stretch a little and as my arms reach out to the mango leaves,I hear a thunderous sound from up above in the skies.Its 6PM,an aeroplane is preparing to touch down in nearby Meenambakkam, It leaves a long smoky trail behind…..and that is a sign for me to close shop , hurry home and complete the pending Golu work..

Not much progress," grumbled a tired Nayaki.She was just back from work wondering where to begin.The house was in shambles after yesterday's marathon loft clearance.She picked up courage and said to herself... "Go ! girl Go !..Start from where you had left yesterday."

With stars and clouds in front of my eyes,Oh ! how I wish I could go to sleep.....

Nayaki had made up her mind to have Dhal and roti for dinner.As she kneaded the dough memories of the past,some that she was a witness to and some hearsay came flashing in front of her eyes and hey presto,she was dreaming yet again with her eyes wide open..

Amma...Amma...Ammmaaaaa...Mayawati shouted at the top of her voice.I have finished my work for the day.I want to tell you that I will not be coming for work till Sunday.With a jolt,Nayaki woke up from her trance and blurted...What ? What did I hear ? That you will be on leave till Sunday ? That's impossible ! Nayaki told her in a fit of rage.... 

Mayawati is a trusted maid and Nayaki is dependant on her.Picking up courage and realising that she was human too,Nayaki in a  tone of authority and disdain,approved her absence..

Well ! Nayaki is a strong woman and though she relies on a help,if necessary she can raise to any occassion..

Having said that,I will continue to dream...

"Please the mother Goddess for nine days.Stay calm,Sing hymns in her praise and chant her divine name a thousand times," Ma would say.I listened to her in rapt attention as she rendered lovely musical compositions all in praise of the Divine Mother. 

Ma was married on the 1st of September 1963.A petite newly wed Iyer dame travelled all the way from Secunderabad to her inlaws home in Calcutta. 

As she stepped on Bhagirathi land,Subbu said "The Durga puja is approaching.This is the best time to be here in this City of Joy and I am sure you are going to enjoy every moment of your stay in this city." 

Vijaya was not too sure though.She had her apprehensions.Yet ! slowly but surely she was getting involved in the Bengal culture.She was on a vacation,a tourist coz !Subbu would plan a daily itenary and take her in and around the city. 

It was the month of October 1963.Puja frenzy had begun.The festivities were yet to begin but the mood palpable.

Localities were gearing up for the celebrations and Viji was wonderstruck.It was during the month that Subbu suddenly planned a trip to Kumartuli .

Kumartuli is a potters village in northern Kolkata. By virtue of their artistic creations these potters have moved from obscurity to national and international prominence. This Kolkata neighbourhood,supplies clay idols of Hindu gods and goddesses to pujas in Kolkata , its neighbourhoods and now all over the world.

Certain customs are observed religiously ,while sculpting the clay idol of Durga. On the auspicious day of the Rath Yatra festival, clay is collected from the banks of the holy Ganga. The entire process of idol-making, from the collection of clay to the final stages of decoration and ornamentation, is considered sacred. 

Another important event is Chokkhu Dhaan, that literally means ,the donation of the eyes, which occurs on a special auspicious day when the artists paint the eyes on the face of the idol. 

It seemed like a dream come true.The semi completed clay idols fascinated Vijaya.The deft nimble fingers that worked on the deities amazed her.She was bewildered at the sheer talent of a group of people......The clay idols were coming to life and it seemed like a trip to the abode of the Gods. 

"Learn a lesson from the clay ," Ma would say."Life is not a bed of roses but you have the power and the strength to mould it as you wish.Lead a pious life and be flexible.Try to be as eco friendly as possible.Our Earth is rich in resources.Use the resources carefully.The Earth is sacred ,and worship Bhoomi Ma." she would go on.... 

She would repeatedly say"So !Give the Golu an eco touch.Decorate the steps with mud dolls and wooden dolls.Remember to connect with the earth .We rise from dust to go back to dust.............

Yet ! as I spotted the papier mache Chettiar Mama Mami bommai in my Golu,paper being eco friendly too,an inner voice seemed to question the same earthy sentiment and the story teller in me was searching for answers as a logical explanation for a break from convention,and also the reason for the transition from the Simple Steps to the Elevated MODERN DAY THEMATIC GOLUS ......Can somebody NOW give me an idea puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze ?