MERRY CHRISTMAS !

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

Five plus and I walked into the chapel.
Mother Superior welcomed me.
She hugged me and blessed me.
"My sweet child," she said softly ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
In your infancy, you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! yes Certainly.
My formative years , I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way.
In my infancy, I must have done something good."

She lead me into the prayer hall ,
and silently Mother prayed for me.
With folded hands she beseeched the Holy Mother.
"Take her into the Carmel fold , Dear Mother ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

Eighteen plus and I walked into a new chapel.
Reverend Father welcomed me .
He placed his hand on my head and blessed me.
"My sweet child !" he said affectionately ,
"Light this candle and spread the message of love.
"In your childhood ,you must have done something good."

"Was it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my teenage years I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way,
In my childhood, I must have done something good."

He lead me into the prayer hall
and silently he prayed for me.
Kneeling down before the Lord he prayed,
"Take her into the Xavier fold," Dear Lord ,
Lead her to a virtuous life,
kind and understanding may she be "

"Is it a boon ? Oh ! Yes certainly ,
and my life I do cherish.
The guiding light shows me the way ,
I must be doing something good."

Shattered !

They who claim responsibility,
wage a war against humanity.
They , who have committed cold blooded murder,
do they not have offsprings of their own ?

The blood they shed,runs in their veins ,
progeny they wipe,are children of kith and kin,
the dastardly act that claims innocent lives,
how many more to come ? Oh ! merciful one !

My heart breaks,for the apple of the eyes....
the scenes are heart wrenching ! Oh ! Why am I alive ?
My heart bleeds for the inconsolable parents,
Oh ! Merciful one can you ever compensate ?

They grieve,fear returns to haunt ,
Survivors will lead the life of a wretched recluse,
A womb gave life in flesh and blood..
the life claimed the flesh and blood of another womb....

They bid adieu ,dressed smartly they had waved ,
never to return.smart and chic they were the brave hearts ,
The bullets ridden tender body,returned home in a casket...
an unholy death judgement man had pronounced...

Home grown terror rears its ugly head ,
what was the fault of the tender buds ?
how long will the hapless scream ?
how long do we have to endure ?

The creator is deeply anguished,
the merciful one is inconsolable too,
Destiny he says , is what we make our lives to be,
coz snakes feed on milk but only spew venom....

CHECKMATE ! YOU NEVER KNOW !

To be honest I had nothing on my mind till today morning. After the usual early morning chores, I sat down for an unwinding breakfast moment with a bowl of cornflakes in one hand and the Hindu crossword in another.

What irritates me during the morning rush hour is a phone call. I cannot do anything much about it and yet what frustrates me no end is that, when I am present in the house, it is understood and expected of me to attend to the landline .Well ! I cannot expect my aged parents in law to attend the calls but invariably the caller on the other end will ask for my mother in law....She is a social butterfly.

Most of the times, when the phone bell rings, one of them is certain to be in close proximity  to the instrument. But ! they are hard of hearing , atleast they lend a deaf ear to the ring tone of the instrument, feign total disability to hear and then elsewhere conveniently dismiss it off as a partial handicap..

It was yet another blue Monday morning and the phone was ringing incessantly. Each time I picked up the phone, I was compelled to strike a short and crisp conversation because the caller on the other end happened to be a common friend or a relative.

After the initial courtesy talk, I would hand over the receiver to my mother in- law who would continue to chat till the next call. Once she placed the receiver down and moved away the bell would ring again. I had to maintain my cool.....

So ! this my dear friends , is more or less the scenario on any typical morning when friends and relatives know that it is the ideal time to make enquiries and chat with a friendly elderly woman...

The phone bell rang. I picked up the receiver..The voice of a woman on the other end was not familiar.. Politely she said.."Can I speak to Mrs Saroja. Please tell her that I am her classmate Mrs Sushila. We were together in school at Mayavaram."

I was not surprised. My mother in law is an extrovert and makes friends easily. Much before the advent of the social media and since I know her for  many years now, like many of our elders, she has this habit of maintaining a diary with phone numbers and addresses. She keeps in touch with remotely distant relatives and friends..

I replied " Madam ! She is having her breakfast. Please give me your number. I will ask her to call you back."

She politely replied..."I will call her in another fifteen minutes. Will that be Ok ? May I know whom I am speaking to." She spoke in chaste Thamizh..

I replied...."Sure Madam ! I am her daughter in law.". Saying I kept the receiver down..

It was a Monday. I was preparing myself , mentally and physically to go to work. I could not allow any trivial distraction or conversation to come in the way of my preparation...

I walked upto my mother in law who was enjoying her bowl of oats and I told her about the phone call and the lady. By then the phone started ringing again. It was her brother now on the line. She seemed highly excited and was soon engrossed in a chat with her brother..

Even as she was chatting, I went close to her and said..."Please do not get up from here.Your friend will call now. Please ask your brother to call you later."

Saying this I went into the kitchen to pack my lunch. Consoling myself, that the crossword could be solved, anytime of the day, I wore a big smile and whispered unto myself..."Go ! Girl ! Go ! the weekend is only 5 days away."

I was still in the kitchen when the phone bell rang. It was Mrs Sushila on the line again..

Saroja : "Sushila ! Mrs Viswanathan ! she screamed with ecstasy ! You are a big shot."..She used the very same words..

Sensing her excitement,I came out of the kitchen to listen to the conversation. No harm in going a little late to work, I decided inspite of the resolution I had made just a few minutes earlier....

Inspite of being there, in the midst of all that was live and happening, I could not make any head or tail out of the conversation...

They were exchanging details about themselves..I understood.

My mother in law said "You are a proud mother and on top of this world. Please do come home.............and the conversation went on and on.They giggled and spoke about their childhood days, school at Mayavaram, how they spent evenings in each others homes...etc etc...Now this chat was getting murkier...

Family histories were exchanged. I was amused and curious too.

On my way out...I asked her...."Amma ! Who's this woman ? Who is is this Mrs Sushila Viswanathan ?"

With a big grin my mother in law replied..."She is my school mate, my classmate , a brilliant student who always stood first in Class. She is the mother of the renowned Chess player Anand Viswanathan ."

My mother in law went on to say " A Sushila studied with me in school but only recently I came to know from a common friend that this is indeed the same Sushila I know. ...and then proudly went on to say..."Uma dear ! You have connected with your friends with the help of FB. I still belong to the old school where we connect in person offline. The world is certainly small, "she added with a smile.....I had no option but to keep mum......

I was amused but I was stumped too ! The world is certainly small and all of a sudden, I started feeling rather small. That was not nice of me. Was It ? Did I cut the earlier conversation with Mrs Viswanathan rather rudely ? Yes Maybe I did..Perhaps she would not have realised that, for I was only a stranger and she was reaching out to a childhood buddy not me...or did she ?
It was perhaps a lost opportunity.That cannot be, I convinced myself...

The Queen Mother had certainly played her moves well.....

Well ! As for me ? I tell myself....I am but a pawn in the literal sense of the term still learning, with miles to go, taking one small step at a time, and realising each time, with every move I make, all it takes is simplicity and humility to reach the top.....

A FOLLY REALISED !

It was the year 1989.A visibly tense Nayaki accompanied by her father entered the C wing on the third floor of Periyar EVR building Nandanam.It was her first day at work,the day 26th June 1989.Since then she has come a long way thanks to the superiors who encouraged her and motivated her to work to the best of her ability .

But for family commitments and other priorities which were more important than her job she would have been a gazetted officer today and obliged many of you with her prized signature.Alas ! That was not to be.Anyway for those who really care now and because she cares too she intends signing autograph books right away..Haha :-)

Nevertheless ! jokes apart ,let me straight away get to what I wish to express in this post..

It was the year 2000.We had recently shifted to our own new building within the existing AG campus on Mount Road.Just a couple of years back I had begun to work on the computer.I was posted in the Administrative section and when we shifted to the new Lekha Pariksha Bhavan we had a new officer too.

Mr Chandran was a workaholic and a gentleman with a great sense of humour.But work came first and he meant serious business.Slowly we started realising that he was not as stern as he appeared to be.Yet ! when he blew his top the entire wing trembled.

I was young and very enthusiastic about my work.It could be my attitude or the lessons that my mom taught me..I always keep a cool head and I try my best to work to the satisfaction of my colleagues and superiors,The ulterior motive is always to impress and make it to the list of the officials who are felicitated for their meritorious work.

I was responsible for maintaining the Service books and drawal of pay and allowances of Group A officers.

Every year on the first of July a return is due to Headquarters office New Delhi, intimating the men in position along with several other details such as age,date of appointment,date of completion of probation,dates of increment,promotion and place of posting etc..

I was new to computers and I was slowly learning to use the short cuts.Mr Chandran was particular about using the key board rather than the mouse.He would personally oversee our work while typing and suggest short cuts..That's how I learnt to use the control keys.

It was June end and I was aware about this return.It had to reach Headquarters positively on the first of July.Mr Chandran was a stickler for rules and also stuck to deadlines.We were stiff scared of him and we never dared to stray away from the stipulated dates.

The return was ready.I took a print out ,drafted a note and a covering letter,filed the letter on the correspondence side on the right,filed the note on the left side,numbered the pages,marked the key pages on the note and the letter,affixed flags on the relevant pages and put it up to my immediate officer ,a young woman.She was blindly in love with me I guess.She did not bother to read it,put her initials and sent it to Mr Chandran for his approval.

I was very pleased with myself.I heaved a sigh of relief and took out the crossword section of the newspaper.It was playtime for me...

As I concentrated on the grids,I never realised that somebody was behind me...I was in for a shock when Mr Chandran shouted at the top of his voice and I got up startled.His eyes were blood red and fuming with anger he placed the file on my table.In a gruff voice he said,please check it and put it up again.Realising that he was speaking to a woman,he had mellowed down.Yet the anger was writ largely on his face,I could sense that.He walked away in a huff..

By then the other staff members had also got up from their seats wondering what had happened..I was misty eyed too.I opened the file and checked the contents.The note was perfect,the draft was excellent.What could have gone wrong I wondered ? Pondering over my bad stars thinking that he was in a bad mood and had vented out some other pending pressures on me,I went through the annexure that contained the details of the officers..

Whoa ! What a blunder I had committed I realised !....It was an old return dated 1998.Most of the officers mentioned therein had been transferred out of Tamilnadu. Here was a clear case of a cut, a copy and a paste without edition.I hung my head down in shame,went to his room and apologised...

Realising my folly was enough to cool matters down.It was a lesson and all for my good because I know that I can never commit such a mistake again.

The officer. smiled and said " I  have recommended your name for this year's Merit Award.Please live up to it."....The stars were in my favour.....

USHER IN CHEER ! WHY FEAR ?

This is something very close to my heart and I know that all women who are my contemporaries will relate to this.What starts of as a daily routine in the early years ,when she is setting up home and family,slowly becomes a habit.......a habit that is extremely difficult to get rid of later.
She has to run,or else she will be tired...

With the passage of time as kids become independent, that part of the daily routine devoted to them is no longer significant, since she is no longer required to perform them.Such tasks becomes redundant causing a vacuum in her activity schedule.

The benefits of working to a routine that gives one satisfaction is immense.It was a pleasure to wake up early,pull the kids out of the bed,give them a bath even as the milk boiled and the toaster went pop.It was a pleasure to fill the water bottles and pack the lunch boxes.It was challenging to please and she had no other choice but to please and to please she had to innovate and come up with new ideas every day.

Once they were a little older,they packed their bags on their own but she still ironed their dresses,covered their books,stood in the queues , paid the fees,plaited their hair and supervised their timetable.She checked the daily calendar,their daily lessons , the class work and the home work.She asked them questions,she made them read and write and when they returned home with a topper badge,that was her reward.

As the children grew she was growing up too.

Unawares though,she was undergoing a transformation too physically and mentally.As she went about the daily routine unmindful of what her body was trying to tell her,she was swaying to the tunes of her loved ones.So unconditional was her sense to serve that she placed everything else above her own health.Her body was telling her to slow down.She would not listen.

She jogged ,she walked,she climbed,she popped in the iron capsules and was on a diet of fruits,green veggies,almonds,walnuts,spinach,legumes ,beets and dates.Yet ! the silent uprising within had begun.The first signs she ignored.That's a harmless flutter,she mumbled to herself.The signs had no intention to abate and slowly they threatened to overpower her.But she would not be cowed down.

From a flutter,the heart had begun to race rapidly.No ! she was not running a marathon.She was just sitting still.The heart needed no reason to shake her vigorously now and then.The bottled up emotions and hormones were at work full time now round the clock,so much that as she slept , all that she could hear was the thumping of her heart beat.

She tried hard to get up from sleep.She had woken up from bed but physically she lay on the bed.With great effort,realising that she was still lying,she pulled herself out and sat upright panting and sweating .With hot flushes,night sweats and palpitations for company, she slept every night and woke up to a new morning every day.

The tests were normal."You either learn to cure yourself of the panic attacks or they learn to live with you,the way you want it to be," said my physician.Its been nearly twelve years now since I had my first panic attack.The world around would seem so unreal even as I worked really hard.I now know beforehand when an attack is imminent and I have learnt to overcome it .Vigorous exercise helped and the ME that you see now is The Hunterwali Fearless Nayaki reborn in 2002.Pre 2002 she was timid,afraid and docile.

I was one of the lucky ones.A positive and Never Say Die attitude helped me to tide over the crisis.A supportive family as they say is indeed a boon.Kids ,their character and their studies was never a major cause of anxiety.......So I survived.....

They went in search of the Amigos Treasure and they found it !

Sombre and subdued,

they looked back,
the sparkling eyes brimming,
with tears of joy.

The crazy gang of High School,
seated on a time machine,
moved front and forth ,
as they flew over the Western Ghats,

to be transported ,
to an era retro,
coz ! it was a promise ,
they had vowed to keep.

Lost in commitments now ,
forgotten they had not ,
the path that lead to school ,
and friends who crossed their path.

It's three and a quarter decades,
since girls sang the anthem last ,
Overwhelmed by love not lost,
the past resurfaced all over again.

Bygone days all pervading ,
in thoughts and in action ,
it was nostalgia raining ,
on the Goan shores...

Drenched in memory showers ,
pretty women woke up to sunrise ,
took a stroll on the Condolim sands,
and headed straight to school.

Chirpy maidens in white,
shirts,stoles and pleated skirts,
with oiled braids tailed,
underwent a metamorphosis....

Stunningly beautiful women ,
who caught each other's eyes ,
reached the retro destination ,
Resorts " O " as per schedule.

Girls who defied age ,
woken up not from slumber ,
had awakened to friendship ,
many many eons ago.....

Childhood pals christened ,
now as Lotus Buddies ,
hugged each other tight ,
and old ties were renewed....

The years had passed,
silently with their knowledge.
Three hundred full moons,
sighted and counting,

leaving eighteen thousand ,
dawns and dusks behind,
the girls had promised,
to reunite.........

FROM THE DIARY OF AN UNBORN GIRL CHILD !

Mama dearest ! she cried out in ecstasy,
from the kingdom of heaven as she descended ,
she spoke unto herself ,
"You are an angel ! my sweetheart .

You are deputed to earth on a mission ,
where a special task is waiting for you.
You are the creator , she said
The human species will owe its existence to you .

You will breathe life ,
You will mould lives ,
In melancholy,strife or cheer,
you will carve a niche for yourself .

You will be lauded ,
your forebearance will be tested .
Trials and tribulations will make you stronger ,
The world is now yours to be my dear."

Submerged in a cavity,
nourished to survive ,
with maternal warmth to protect ,
she was growing up fine.

Unexposed and unharmed,
blissfully ignorant of the exterior,
with a tiny heart beating,
she clung on to the cord of life.

In darkness,hearty and kicking ,
she wept silently in the womb ,
the voice that disowned her was hers ,
to her she owed her breath of life.

Her shrieks fell on deaf ears ,
unborn she wailed to no avail,
for she wished to see the light of day,
and to be cuddled in Mama's arms she prayed.

With clenched fists fold,
and eyes tightly closed ,
in darkness ,she said a silent prayer.....
Mama !
I bow to Thee .........